Not All About Fear

"Why did fear cross the road?"
"I dunno."
"To scare people on the other side."


Fear walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "AAAAhhhh!" and fled.


"How much fear does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I'm afraid to answer."

"Knock. Knock"

"Who's there?"

"I'm afraid."

"I'm afraid who?"

"I'm afraid you won't laugh."


Are there ghosts who are afraid of people?

Should people who don't know anything be afraid of the unknown?

Is it possible to be a success at fearing failure?

Would the world be disease-free if germs were afraid of intimacy?

Is there a cure for a mountain that is afraid of heights?

"What can you say about a person whose big ass scares the hell out of people?"

"I dunno."

"The End Is Fear."

AFFIRMATIONS

I am in control of my bladder and bowels.


I can act like an idiot in any situation.


I feel a great sense of happiness, security and well-being while I'm in denial.


I am grateful for all the grapefruit in my life.


I accept, appreciate and love myself while I masturbate.


I am positively negative in a positive way. 


I am a channel for pee-pee and caca.


I am peaceful and calm when unconscious.


I choose money--lots and lots of money. 


All is well. (I just fell in.)


I let go of love and embrace fear.


I am that I am, and that's it. 

SO MUCH FOR SELF HELP

 

I tried to transform my problems into opportunities, but my transformation machine broke down.  This machine is impossible to fix because it doesn't exist.

I'm afraid I worry too much about getting free from fear and anxiety.

I want to unburden myself from my past resentments, but I forget where I left them.  They're around here somewhere.

I am trying to create an action plan for happiness, but keep loosing when I play the lotteries.

Perhaps I should forget all this self-help crap and become a rock.  There are no unhappy rocks, but there are lots of Gladstones.

See how happy William Ewart Gladstone is?

 

I FEAR . . .

I fear that I am a character in a dream, and the dreamer is about to awaken.  And then I become a fast-fading memory soon forgotten.  

I fear a thesaurus will attack me and eat my words.

I fear sunshine at night.  Why?  What is the sun doing up so late?  Up to no-good no doubt.

I fear talking spiders on the World Wide Web.

I fear I'll get lead poisoning from pencils.

I fear that diseases cause sickness.

I fear if I tell the truth, people will think I am lying.

I fear one day the government will make free taxable.

I fear being around farting beans.

I fear that someone will throw a dinner in my honor, and I will be covered with food.

I fear my life is taking place in the mind of an Alzheimer's patient.

I fear running out of ideas and having to end my blog abrupt--

QUOTES OF INSPIRATION

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one that led to failure,

And that has made all the difference.
                                          - Robert Warmth

ADVICE

 As a leading expert on nothing in particular, I can give advice on anything:

        Always store your breast milk at tit temperature.

        Never meditate while holding a loaded gun. 

        Don't judge a judge -- especially when you are in his or her court.

        Change your underwear once a year.

        Believe everything you read and hear.

        It's okay to fear fear.

        Have fun finding rhymes with dear.

        Love yourself, but watch out for sexually transmitted diseases.

      

       Have fun pretending that you are pretending that you are pretending to have fun.   

       Always tell the truth -- except when you have to lie.

       Never attend a dinner party for cannibals.

RELATIVELY SPEAKING . . .

MORE PICTURES NOT AT AN EXHIBITION

 

                                                                                                  

                                                                        

MY HIGHER SELF . . .