FUN WITH LOGIC

"Earth is flat."

"How do you know?"

"Have you ever seen Earth wearing a bra?"

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Truth is beauty and 

Beauty is a horse,

Therefore truth is a horse.

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Air is made of space and 

Space is air,

Therefore we can breath in Space.

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No matter where we go, we all have to start somewhere, Therefore we all start at the same place: Somewhere.

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"Clocks that sit on counters are smart."

"How do you know?"

"Haven't you heard of counterclockwise?"

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"Two plus two equals five."

"How can that be?"

"Four always felt that it was a number five trapped in a number four.  Four had a number-change operation and became a number five.  2 + 2 = 5."

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"Parallel lines meet."

"How?"

"I don't know, but that's my opinion and I'm entitled to my opinion."

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"THE END is near!"

"Really?"

"Yes.  At any second I will stop talking and we won't exist."

"Why do you say that?"

"I am good friends with the funny bone technician who is writing our existence, and he--"  

QUESTIONS ABOUT ETIQUETTE

Is it proper to eat mud pies with dirt?

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Is it proper for the truth to be naked?

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Is it proper to call a pregnant woman, "Bubble Belly"?

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Is it proper for a rubber band to play elastic songs?

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When is the proper time to lose your mind?

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Is it proper to wear rubber gloves during sex?

Is it proper for a human being to lay a rug?

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Is it proper for a wall to hang itself on a picture?

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Is it okay for dead people to be late for their funerals?

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Is it proper to think outside the box when there is no box?

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Is it proper for a doormat to wipe itself?

 

THE TRUTH ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING

According to an article about nuclear power plant accidents by Simon Rogers in The Guardian, there have been "33 serious incidents and accidents at nuclear power stations since the first recorded one in 1952 at Chalk River in Ontario, Canada."  The last one recorded was in Fukushima in 2011.

http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/mar/14/nuclear-power-plant-accidents-list-rank 

All the radiation from these accidents finds its way to something in male testicles.  Scientists don't know what that something is, but it attracts radiation at a phenomenal rate.  The radiation causes the testicles to glow and warm the surrounding area.  (This glow can only be seen with special equipment and is not visible to the naked eye.)

As of 2014, there were 3.5 billion males on Earth.  With the number of males and amount of radiation on the planet, Glow-Ball Warming is real.  The people in power tried to cover up Glow-Ball Warming by calling it Global Warming.  When this did not work, they changed the name from Global Warming to Climate Change.  

The radioactive glow from all the male testicles, caused by them attracting leaked radiation, is warming the planet.  That's the truth.

I FEAR . . .

I fear that I am a character in a dream, and the dreamer is about to awaken.  And then I become a fast-fading memory soon forgotten.  

I fear a thesaurus will attack me and eat my words.

I fear sunshine at night.  Why?  What is the sun doing up so late?  Up to no-good no doubt.

I fear talking spiders on the World Wide Web.

I fear I'll get lead poisoning from pencils.

I fear that diseases cause sickness.

I fear if I tell the truth, people will think I am lying.

I fear one day the government will make free taxable.

I fear being around farting beans.

I fear that someone will throw a dinner in my honor, and I will be covered with food.

I fear my life is taking place in the mind of an Alzheimer's patient.

I fear running out of ideas and having to end my blog abrupt--

THE TRUTH IS . . .

The sign reads, Please excuse the renovations.  We are renovating in order to serve you better.

The truth is, Please excuse the renovations.  We are renovating in order to use up the money in our budget, and a relative just happens to have a contracting company.  If we do not use this money up, then we will not be able to justify asking for more money next year.


The label on food and medicine reads, Sealed for your protection.

The truth is, Sealed for OUR protection.

The truth is, We don't care whether you fall.  Our ass is covered because we warned you.

 

The truth is,  Drivers go as fast as they want -- unless they see a cop lurking nearby.

 The truth is, That isn't all, folks, but aliens have come for my annual anal probe.

HEADLINES YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN THE MAINSTREAM PRESS

TREE BARKS AND THEN BITES DOG

POLITICIAN TELLS THE TRUTH

WE ARE STARDUST BUT NOT GOLDEN

POLICE CHARGE BATTERY WITH SALT

SERIAL KILLER LIKES CORNFLAKES

BASEBALL BATS GO ON STRIKE

 

CAR KILLED IN CRASH 

LACK OF INTEREST STOPS WAR

HEROIN  DIES AFTER OVERDOSING ON HUMAN

BLOG ENDS SUDDEN--

NOT-SO-FAMOUS QUOTES

 

 

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN PHYSICS . . .

Archimedes' Screw has nothing to do with sex.

It won't be long before Nuclear Physics becomes Oldclear Physics.

Schrodinger's cat somehow escaped from the sealed box, and became an alive or dead quantum mechanic.  As an alive or dead quantum mechanic, Schrodinger's cat repaired alive or dead  particle-accelerating magnetic mousetraps.

The Uncertainty Principle deals with whether a person will get lucky on a date. 

Heinrich Hertz was the first to prove the existence of electromagnetic pain.

The apparent magnitude of the luminosity of Earth may be lost when the Earth's  atoms go on shopping trips in the dark.

If the two types of atoms have different masses, then they end up buying clothes at different stores.

Now that he is dead, Albert Einstein often plays dice with God.  But God still refuses to play dice with the universe.

Quarkio and Leptonette by William Shakeinstein.  It's about two star-crossed subatomic particles that fall in love much to the disapproval of their atoms.

Menopausal female physicists frequently have bursts of thermodynamic energy. 

Truth is stranger than physics because you read it on the Internet.  

(This picture has nothing to do with this blog, and is posted here for no reason.)

WHO SAID WHAT?

"Do you pollinate?" asked the flower.


"I always speak the truth -- except when I lie," said the politician.


"I'll be home for Christmas," said Santa.  "But I may be late."


"I am nothing without you,"  said the lamp to the plug.


"I easily gain weight when I eat couch potatoes," said the cannibal.


"I love getting stuff dirt cheap," said the earthworm.


"You're black!" said the pot to the kettle.


"I am an early version of you," said Failure to Success.


"Am I nuts?"  asked the cashew.
"I don't think so," said the peanut.


"Stop scraping my bottom!" said the barrel.


"Is this The End?" asked The Beginning.
"I hope so," said My Blog.  "The barrel wants us to stop."