ON LIMITS

"Why did the limit cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"Neither did the limit."



"How many limits does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Two.  One limit to change the bulb, and the other to limit the laughter to this joke."



Two limits are looking up at the sky when one limit says to the other, "I don't see how it's THE one."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Speed."

"Speed who?"

"Speed Limit."

"That's not funny."

"The humor went by too fast for you?"

"What did one limit say to the other limit?"

"Were they still looking at the sky?"

"No."

"I don't know.  What did one limit say to the other limit?"

"It said, 'Watch what you say.  Our conversation is in a blog.' "

A limit walked into a bar and the bartender announced, "That's the limit."

THE TRUTH IS . . .

The sign reads, Please excuse the renovations.  We are renovating in order to serve you better.

The truth is, Please excuse the renovations.  We are renovating in order to use up the money in our budget, and a relative just happens to have a contracting company.  If we do not use this money up, then we will not be able to justify asking for more money next year.


The label on food and medicine reads, Sealed for your protection.

The truth is, Sealed for OUR protection.

The truth is, We don't care whether you fall.  Our ass is covered because we warned you.

 

The truth is,  Drivers go as fast as they want -- unless they see a cop lurking nearby.

 The truth is, That isn't all, folks, but aliens have come for my annual anal probe.