Not All About The Sky

"Why is the sky blue?"

"Why?"

"All the other colors were taken."

"Why did the sky cross the road?"

"I dunno."

"To be where it was already on the other side."

"How many skies does it take to change a light bulb?"

"How many?"

"Just one.  There is only one sky."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Blue."

"Blue who?"

"Blueski, James Blueski."

"James Blueski?"

"That's right.  James Blueski, Agent 700 from Polish Intelligence."

"Okaaay!  That's as far as this joke goes."

The sky walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Oh my God!  What happened to the roof?"

"Are the sky's eyes blue, too?"

"The garbage can."

"Uh?"

"You should know better than to ask a surrealist."

"How does the sky mail a letter?"

"How."

"Like everyone else, it uses a mailbox."

"Why is the sky up there?"

"Why?"

"It can't stand crowds, but doesn't mind clouds."

"Does the sky ever need to go to the bathroom?"

"I don't know, but I don' want to be around if it does."

"What is the one thing that the sky cannot know?"

"What?"

"The sky cannot know whether it is in shape."

"Listen," said James Blueski, "you kinda left me hanging at the knock-knock joke.  What did I do?  Was it something I said?"

"Yes, melting clocks."

"What?  Are you a surrealist?"

"The Beginning."

Stupid Cloud Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked one cloud to another.
The other said, "I haven't the foggiest."


After seeing its companion, the cloud said, "I mist you!"


"How can you tell whether a cloud is sad?"
"I don't know."
"It gets misty-eyed."


"What's a cloud's favorite engine?"
"What?"
"A steam engine."

Do clouds believe in climate change?

"Why do clouds like the sky?"

"Why?"

"Because the sky has a nice atmosphere."

"Where do clouds keep their money?"

"Where?"

"In their pockets."

"But clouds don't have pockets."

"Oh.  That explains why you never see clouds shopping."

"Why don't clouds take the bus?"

"Why?"

"Because they travel the sky for free."

ON LIMITS

"Why did the limit cross the road?"
"I don't know."
"Neither did the limit."



"How many limits does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Two.  One limit to change the bulb, and the other to limit the laughter to this joke."



Two limits are looking up at the sky when one limit says to the other, "I don't see how it's THE one."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Speed."

"Speed who?"

"Speed Limit."

"That's not funny."

"The humor went by too fast for you?"

"What did one limit say to the other limit?"

"Were they still looking at the sky?"

"No."

"I don't know.  What did one limit say to the other limit?"

"It said, 'Watch what you say.  Our conversation is in a blog.' "

A limit walked into a bar and the bartender announced, "That's the limit."

IS IT POSSIBLE?

Is it possible that the sky is not the limit?




Is it possible that stress is the cause of stress?



Is it possible to be carefree when you are dead?



Is it possible to hear better when you close your eyes?



Is it possible that Vincent Van Gogh was selling himself to a cannibal piece by piece?



Is it possible that reincarnation causes past lives?



Is it possible that mirrors cause reflections?



Is it possible that you will run out of things to say if you live forever?



Is it possible that psychiatrists invent mental illnesses to make more money?



Is it possible to be happily depressed?



Is it possible that The End is not The's butt?

WHERE ARE THE ANSWERS?

Where does the air stop and the sky begin?



If my mind was a mountain, then how high would it be?



Am I a cynic even though I don't do evil things?



Who is responsible for all the stupid people on this planet?



Was Clark Gable the triangular part of a building?



Does a traitor buy and sell stuff?



How come we don't see any answers blowing in the wind?

ROCKS AND SKY

Do rocks die?

And what about the sky?

Does the sky die?

If rocks and the sky die, then where do their souls go?  Heaven?  Are there rocks and sky in Heaven?  Is there a separate Heaven just for the souls of rocks and the sky?

What if the rocks and sky were bad?  Would they go to Hell?  But how can rocks and the sky be bad?  What could they do other than being rocks and the sky?  Being what they are isn't bad.

What about their wills?  What would a rock and the sky leave?  To whom or what would they leave it?

I, Rock, being of sound mind and minerals, leave all my rockiness to the ground . . .  

I, Sky, being of sound mind and atmosphere, leave all my air to the clouds . . . 

We could survive with dead rocks.  Lots of people have dead rocks in their heads.  But a dead sky?  How will survive if the sky dies? 

ARE THERE SUCH THINGS AS RANDOM QUESTIONS?

Does the sky ever sing the blues?

Should AIDS, SARS, and Ebola slow down Dracula?  Shouldn't he give his victims a blood test and wait for results before he bites?

Do light bulbs always have bright ideas?

Am I attracting Good Luck?  A flying horseshoe hit me in the head.  I'm okay, but the horseshoe required stitches.  

Will my imagination lose weight if I put it on a diet of fat-free ideas?

Can a question exist without an answer?


Are there such things as random questions?  Can "Wood comes from trees" be an answer to this question?   

FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES

I am afraid to read books on phobias.

I enjoy any book containing words.

I quit smoking.  It was easy.  I had one cigarette when I was twelve years old, and then I quit.  This is the first time I am announcing it.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a person?

I have female intuition.  I used to have male intuition, but got rid of it.  It always said that it was going to call and never did.

One of my goals in life is to be dishwasher safe.

Gary Johnston is in favor of the death penalty as long as no one gets hurt.

Gary Johnston is  waiting for that special person's kiss -- a kiss that will turn him back into a frog.

This post contains letters from the English alphabet.

If I wasn't here, then I'd be somewhere else.

Gary Johnston wishes Gary Johnston the best of luck with his new personality.

Should I get another psychiatrist?  The one I am seeing insists on lying beside me on the couch during our sessions.

Gary Johnston is like a tree.  He is leafing his limited thinking and branching up towards The Light.  He has the confidence to bark at those negative people who try to discourage him.  He is presently battling Dutch Elm Disease.

Gary Johnston admits to being the Chief Executive Hypocrite at Double Standards Incorporated.

Gary Johnston is recovering from being sick in the head.

Out of the blue, came the sky.

Gary Johnston is looking forward to the future when he will be happy living in the present.

Is it true that Pinocchio hated termites?

I can predict the future.  At the end of this sentence, there will be a period.

Is it true that you are reading this?

MERRY MADNESS!

Instead of saying "Merry Christmas," my good friend Kinga Burjan wishes people "Merry Madness."

Madness!  What a wonderful word to describe this time of the year!  Stores full of people rushing about spending money they don't have.  People going to places they do not want to go to to be with people they do not want to be with.  Madness, indeed!

What causes this madness?  Guilt-ridden obligations.  People are anxious and stressed over following their guilt-ridden obligations -- things they think they should do because it is Christmas.

One of the things people feel they are supposed to do is be happy and joyful.  They do not feel happy and joyful.  They feel anxious and stressed out.  But because it is Christmas they think they should feel happy and joyful.   So anxious and stressed-out people pretend to be happy and joyful.  No wonder liquor flows more freely at Christmas.

I stopped the madness this year.  I only bought gifts for people I wanted to buy gifts for.  I did not go to any places I did not want to go to.  I chose to spend Christmas Day alone.  I sat on a park bench and stared at the sky.  How wonderful that I did not have to do anything I did not want to do!

I will be asked, in the coming days, "How was your Christmas?"

"Fantastic!  It was the best Christmas I've ever had!"

"Really?  Where did you go?"

"On Christmas Day I went to a park and sat on a bench and stared at the sky."

"You what?"

"I sat on a park bench and stared at the sky."

"Alone?"

"No, the voices in my head were with me."

"Have you lost your marbles?"

"Yes I have.  And that makes me marbleless."


A Merry Madness to all!

 

OVERHEARD WORDS . . .

"I quit smoking."
"But you don't smoke and never smoked."
"That's why it was so easy to quit."


"My doctor is a metaphysician and gave me a complete checkup."
"What did he say?"
"He said that I am healthy and will live forever."
"Really?"
"Yes, but not necessarily in my present body."


"You look disappointed."
"It's another calendar with all the days in sequential order.  Can't someone invent a calendar where Friday comes right after Sunday?"


"So, how do you like Reality so far?"
"Not bad, but I wouldn't want to live here."
"Why not?"
"I have my unreasons."


"I can't believe he did this to me!"
"What did he do?"
"I can't believe it!  He came over with -- "
(And then a loud truck went by and I could not hear the rest.)


"How nice to see you.  How are you?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I'm not a doctor.  A doctor can tell you how I am."
"You simply can't say that you're fine?"
"What?  And misdiagnose myself?"


"Got any spare change?"
"No.  All the money in my pocket I plan to use.  I keep my spare change in the bank.  But you got money in your hat that you didn't have before.  YOU are the one with spare change!"


"Wanna go out for a beer?"
"No, I can't.  I promised the wife I'd come straight home so she could chew me out for something."


"Look at them," said Sky.
"Oh My God!  They're gorgeous!" said Sun.