Not All About The Wind

In Toronto, on Wednesday April 4, there were power failures because trees fell on electrical wires.  Shingles flew off rooftops.  Garbage cans traveled about.  Winds blew almost 100 Kilometers (60 miles) per hour. Where were the police with their radar?

https://www.cp24.com/news/hydro-one-more-than-20-000-still-without-power-after-windstorm-1.3872134



"Why did the wind cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Because the warm air rose on the other side of the street and the cool air moved in to replace it."
"I was expecting a joke."
"Well, lower your expectations."

"Blow.  Blow."

"Who's there?

"Wind."

"Wind who."

"Just Wind."

"Okay, I will let you in as long as you promise not to break."

"Why do married men love standing in the wind?"

"I dunno."

"Because that's the closest they're gonna get to getting blown."

Are there too many hurricanes and not enough himmicanes?

"What do you get when you cross the wind with water?"

"What?"

"A storm."
"I was expecting another joke."
"I told you to lower your expectations."


"What did the wind get for Christmas?"
"What?"
"A bicyclone."


"I think you should stop now.  My expectations can't get any lower."
"Okay."

WHERE ARE THE ANSWERS?

Where does the air stop and the sky begin?



If my mind was a mountain, then how high would it be?



Am I a cynic even though I don't do evil things?



Who is responsible for all the stupid people on this planet?



Was Clark Gable the triangular part of a building?



Does a traitor buy and sell stuff?



How come we don't see any answers blowing in the wind?

ALL ABOUT AIR

Air walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Why would you walk in when you're already here?"
And air said, "I like to get around."
"What will it be?" asked the bartender.  "The same thing you're having over there?"
Air looked over at itself in another part of the bar drinking a beer.
"No, I'd like something different," said air.  "I'll have--"
But then the wind blew through an open window, and air was gone.
And the bartender said, "Thank God that the wind in this joke was not strong enough to blow away my bar!"



"I can get high without you," said the air to the marijuana.



Where does air sleep?



If air is a gaseous mixture, then how come it never farts?



An airhead walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What can I get you?"
The airhead said, "Ummmmmm . . . "
"A beer?  Juice?  A scotch and water?  What would you like?" said the bartender.
And the airhead said, "Ummmmmm . . . "
"Look," said the bartender, "you must have wanted a drink.  Why else would you walk into a bar?"
"A bar?" said the airhead.  "A bar?  I thought this was a place for meditation."



"What's the difference between air and space?"
"I don't know.  What?"
"Space is cleaner because it has a vacuum."



Where does air end?

ALL ABOUT THE WIND

Does the wind ever have a bad hair day?


How come you never see the wind on a computer, reading a book or watching television?


Does the wind blow farts?


Does the wind have a watch?  If so, then how does the wind wind its watch?


Does the wind know the answer, my friend?


"Why did the wind cross the road?"
"It was blowing that way."


Does the wind have any other skills besides blowing?


The wind blows into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The wind says, "Don't be silly!  I, the wind, can't talk.  How can you expect me to order anything?"
"Sorry," says the bartender.
And the wind leaves in a huff.

ALL ABOUT TREES

"Why did the tree cross the road?"

"It was playing Pokemon."

Do trees knock on wood for good luck?

Are trees atheists?  I have never see one in church.

HEADLINE:  TREES CHARGE LUMBERJACK WITH MURDER

Can a dog fall in love with a tree's bark?

A dog goes into a bar and sees a gorgeous tree sitting alone.  The tree has a shapely trunk and sexy branches.

The dog goes over to the tree and says, "I love your bark.  Can I buy you a drink?"

The tree says, "Leaf me alone."

Crushed and depressed the dog leaves the bar and goes for some fire-hydrant therapy.

"What's fire-hydrant therapy?"

"It's therapy designed to wash away your troubles."

Do trees love hiding forests?

HEADLINE:  TEACHER FIRED FOR DOING THINGS WITH IMPROPER FRACTIONS

"What's that headline doing here?  It has nothing to do with trees."

"That headline was climbing a tree in the above picture and fell."

 "Is it true what they say about trees with long branches?"

"I don't know.  What do they say?"

"They say that trees with long branches, have long branches."

"Yes, I think it's true."

Where do trees go to the bathroom?

HEADLINE:  BLACK HOLE ENDS BLOG ABOUT TREES

EVERYWHERE (AND SOME CRAP)

Question:  Why did Everywhere cross the street?

Answer:  Because it was the other side.

 

Listen.

Our ancestors speak to us

Through wind chimes and stones.

"What's that doing here?" says my blog.

"It just came to me so I wrote it down," says I.

"I would prefer you to stick to stuff that is supposed to be funny, and forget the philosophical-poetry crap."

"Okay."

Everywhere walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

Everywhere says, "I'll have everything, please."

The bartender takes awhile, but he fixes everything and brings it to Everywhere.  He says to Everywhere, "Haven't I seen you around?"

Everywhere says, "I should hope so!"

Everywhere finishes its everything and leaves the bar to go where it is.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere who?"

"Never mind.  If you have to ask, then you're not paying attention."

Question:  How many everywhere's does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:  One.  There is only one everywhere.

The wind blows the past

Through pines 

Making history endless

"That's it!" says my blog.

"I'm sorry, but it slipped out."  

"I'm not giving you another chance for any more crap to slip out.   We're done for today."