It's All About Rocks

"Why did the rock cross the road?"
"Why?"
"One chicken threw it at another?"
"Why would one chicken throw a rock at another?"
"I dunno.  Angry birds?"

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Rock."

"Rock who?"

"Rock Hudson."

"How can that be?  You're dead."

"Oh yeah, sorry I forgot."

How does a rock behave when it's stoned?

A rock walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"

And the rock said, "I'll have a mineral water on the rocks, please."

"That's it?" said a man sitting next to the rock. "That's the punchline?"

"Yes," said the rock.

"I don't think that's a funny punchline," said the man.

And the bartender said to the man, "Have a few more drinks."

"How many rocks does it take to change a light bulb?"

"How many?"

"Two.  One rock to change the bulb, and the other rock to go to a movie."

"Uh?  Go to a movie?  The joke doesn't make sense."

"Yes, and it doesn't make any dollars either.  Have a few more drinks."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"To get to the other side?"

"No.  A rock threw the chicken at another rock."

"Why would a rock throw a chicken at another rock?"

"I dunno.  Rock rage?"

Were the Rolling Stones once rocks?

"Okay," said the chicken to the rock, "let's end it now. I promise not to throw any rocks at chickens if you promise not to throw any chickens at rocks."

"Agreed," said the rock.

EVERYWHERE (AND SOME CRAP)

Question:  Why did Everywhere cross the street?

Answer:  Because it was the other side.

 

Listen.

Our ancestors speak to us

Through wind chimes and stones.

"What's that doing here?" says my blog.

"It just came to me so I wrote it down," says I.

"I would prefer you to stick to stuff that is supposed to be funny, and forget the philosophical-poetry crap."

"Okay."

Everywhere walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

Everywhere says, "I'll have everything, please."

The bartender takes awhile, but he fixes everything and brings it to Everywhere.  He says to Everywhere, "Haven't I seen you around?"

Everywhere says, "I should hope so!"

Everywhere finishes its everything and leaves the bar to go where it is.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere who?"

"Never mind.  If you have to ask, then you're not paying attention."

Question:  How many everywhere's does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:  One.  There is only one everywhere.

The wind blows the past

Through pines 

Making history endless

"That's it!" says my blog.

"I'm sorry, but it slipped out."  

"I'm not giving you another chance for any more crap to slip out.   We're done for today."