I Hate . . .

I hate pictures of cabins near a river and mountains. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I hate pictures of cabins near a river and mountains.  




I hate boobs.  You know, the ones working for the government.


I hate golf.  How silly to whack little white balls all over the countryside.


I hate watching other people whack little white balls all over the countryside.


I hate History.  How tiresome to hear History say the same thing over and over again.


I hate parents who kill their children.  (This doesn't include God who drowned all his children except for Noah.)


I hate toilets when they show up at social functions.


I hate paper.  I don't know why, but suspect paper is connected to pictures of cabins near a river and mountains.


I hate dreams that do not come true.


I hate time, but not all the time.


I hate private detectives investigating my privates.


I hate blogs about hate.


And, finally, I hate running out of things to hate.

UNKNOWN FACTS ABOUT SIGMUND FREUD

Sigmund Freud (May 6, 1856 - September 23, 1939)

Sigmund Freud was born Tuesday May 6, 1856.  His mother wanted to call him Oedipus, but Sigmund was easier to spell.

Unknown facts about Sigmund Freud?

- Freud felt that the Id, Ego, and Superego are okay as long as they belong to the same penis.

- Unconscious was the name Freud gave to the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

- Freud's association with the treatment of mental illness started when he diagnosed Analysis, his Greek patient, as a psycho.

- Freud was the first to discover that water on the brain was wet.

- Freud hated history.  He studied hysteria when he discovered that it was not the plural of history.

- Freud suffered from penis envy which he inherited from his father.

- Freud was first to coin the term cold shoulder when he discovered that ice cubes did not melt on some patients' where their arms joined their bodies.

- Freud once dreamt that unknown facts about him would appear in a blog 160 years after his birth.  He dismissed the dream as nonsense.

THOUGHTS AFTER THE APOCALYPSE . . .

The world ended on October 7.  Perhaps that explains my inability to concentrate and have a hodgepodge of thoughts.  But perhaps the ending of the world has nothing to do with my lack of concentration.  Perhaps my mind wanders because I have a little black dog and it doesn't bite.

A balding man once said, "I wish my hair would gain weight."

Did you know that you can effectively clear your sinuses by cutting off your head? 

Does history repeat itself?  Does history repeat itself?



There's no such thing as a constipated politician.  They talk so much you-know-what that it can't get stuck inside them.

Did I mention that I have a little black dog and it doesn't bite?

MORE WISDOM FROM BOOAZ

Booaz first appeared in this blog back in March of this year.  Here is more of his wisdom:

For those of you who were out of it, welcome back to your mind.


Does bamboo have anything to do with striking a ghost?


The sun wakes us up, but who wakes up the sun?


People who live in grass houses shouldn't throw weeds.


How long has history been here?  How long will history stay?  Will history be around in the future?


When will nothing realize that it is something?


Seek and ye shall find, but ye may not find right away.


Life consists of pain and suffering, and making jokes about pain and suffering. 

EVERYWHERE (AND SOME CRAP)

Question:  Why did Everywhere cross the street?

Answer:  Because it was the other side.

 

Listen.

Our ancestors speak to us

Through wind chimes and stones.

"What's that doing here?" says my blog.

"It just came to me so I wrote it down," says I.

"I would prefer you to stick to stuff that is supposed to be funny, and forget the philosophical-poetry crap."

"Okay."

Everywhere walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

Everywhere says, "I'll have everything, please."

The bartender takes awhile, but he fixes everything and brings it to Everywhere.  He says to Everywhere, "Haven't I seen you around?"

Everywhere says, "I should hope so!"

Everywhere finishes its everything and leaves the bar to go where it is.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere who?"

"Never mind.  If you have to ask, then you're not paying attention."

Question:  How many everywhere's does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:  One.  There is only one everywhere.

The wind blows the past

Through pines 

Making history endless

"That's it!" says my blog.

"I'm sorry, but it slipped out."  

"I'm not giving you another chance for any more crap to slip out.   We're done for today."

ONE QUESTION AND FIVE BAR JOKES

What do fortune tellers do to relax?  Study History?



Noah walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What are you doing here?  You can't thirsty!"

A fortune teller walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"  The fortune teller says, "I knew you'd say that!" 

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Ting!  Ting! Whasso oogabaloo chalick?"  The man leaves realizing that not only is he in the wrong bar, but he's also in the wrong dimension. 

Nothing walks into a bar and the bartender says, "You're nothing!"  Nothing walks out feeling dejected.
 
A suicide bomber walks into bar and the bartender says, "What-- "

IT IS 4:00 A.M. AND I MUST WRITE SOMETHING !

I will not allow my imaginary friends to set unrealistic expectations.

I have never had an epiphany, but I have faked a few.

I am skilled at being unskilled.  Should I run for office?

On books?   I enjoy any book containing words.  Currently  I am reading  A History of History  by Itis Bygone.  I'm still afraid to read books about phobias.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack came down with The Ten Commandments

Moses was pissed

And Jill became a hermit.

(Eventually she got her own Reality TV show.) 

Some beavers are apathetic, and some give a damn.

I do not belong here.  My soul was on its way to another planet when Cosmic Post screwed up, and delivered it to Earth.   The planet my soul was supposed to go to is a planet where sensitive and honest people are not ridiculed for being sensitive and honest.  It is a planet where corporations rely on the Arts for financial support.  I cannot tell you more because of  a confidentiality agreement which was part of the settlement with Cosmic Post. 

It is 4:00 a.m. and I must write something!