THOUGHTS AFTER THE APOCALYPSE . . .

The world ended on October 7.  Perhaps that explains my inability to concentrate and have a hodgepodge of thoughts.  But perhaps the ending of the world has nothing to do with my lack of concentration.  Perhaps my mind wanders because I have a little black dog and it doesn't bite.

A balding man once said, "I wish my hair would gain weight."

Did you know that you can effectively clear your sinuses by cutting off your head? 

Does history repeat itself?  Does history repeat itself?



There's no such thing as a constipated politician.  They talk so much you-know-what that it can't get stuck inside them.

Did I mention that I have a little black dog and it doesn't bite?

THE WORLD WILL END OCTOBER 7, 2015?

The world will end October 7, 2015.  This according to Chris McCann, leader of the eBible Fellowship.  I have my lunch made and my bags packed . . . 


An apocalypse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"
The apocalypse says, "I'll have an End-Of-The-World please."
"Have you got a note from God?" asks the bartender.
"No," says the apocalypse.
"Sorry," says the bartender, "I can't serve an End-Of-The-World without a note from God."
The apocalypse leaves the bar and crosses the road. 



Q:  Why did the apocalypse cross the road?

A:  To end the world on the other side.



Q:  How many apocalypses does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  None.  Apocalypses have no need to fix lights.

One apocalypse to another: "Does the devastation make my ass look big?"

Another apocalypse was overheard to say, "I don't mind ending the world, but all that screaming and shouting bothers me."

"Knock.  Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Apocalypse."

"Apocalypse who?" 

FOR SALE . . .

AN APOCALYPSE, ANYONE?

An apocalypse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The apocalypse says, "Give me a zombie, please."

***

An apocalypse walks into a bar and stares sadly off into space.  The bartender asks, "Why are you sad?"
The apocalypse says, "My religion doesn't understand me."

***

Q:  Why did the apocalypse cross the road?
A:  It was following a chicken.

***

Q:  Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:  To get to another religion.

***

Q:  How many apocalypses does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  One.  One apocalypse will change everything.

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"
"Apocalypse."
Apocalypse who?"
"Apocalypse Now."

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with peanut butter?

A:  A big sticky mess!

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with rotten eggs?
A:  A big stinky mess!

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with peanut butter and rotten eggs?

A:  The inside of a baby's diaper.

***

Q:  What's the difference between an apocalypse and food?
A:  You don't know?  You must have some interesting meals.

***

Q:  What did the apocalypse say to doomsday?

A:   Apocalypse said, "Is this it?"

***

An apocalypse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "The End Is Here!"

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: