SECRETS REVEALED!

The Virgin Mary sells olive oil.


Donald Trump always fights with his hair, and his hair often wins.


After Jesus rose from the dead, he tried to go to the United States.  He was denied entry because he was from the Middle East.


Martin Luther King had trouble remembering his dreams.


Planet Venus and Planet Mars are lovers.


Elephants often forget, but they can remember Martin Luther King's dreams.


Taxes = Theft


George Washington lied about always telling the truth.


The Pope is Jewish, and is hiding from the Nazis.


The truth does not set you free, and will often get you into more trouble.


Rabbits formed a union and stopped magicians from pulling rabbits out of hats.


They're onto me!  How much longer will they allow me to reveal secrets before they--

FOR SALE . . .

JUDGEMENT DAY?

A Christian group claims that the world will end Saturday May 21, 2011.  On this date, Jesus will  come back to take all the goodies up to Heaven, and leave the baddies to burn in Hell forever and ever, Amen.  Of course this happens with the approval of a God that loves "unconditionally."

What will be the excuse, or excuses, this group will come up with on Sunday May 22, 2011?  Our calculations were off?  God changed His mind?  Jesus wasn't feeling well?   Jesus' chariot broke down?   The Rapture ruptured?  We forgot that Heaven is closed on weekends?  The dog ate my Bible?  The Devil made us say it?               The Toronto Maple Leafs didn't win the Stanley Cup?   What will their excuse be for the world not ending? 


(I have an asbestos suit ready just in case.)