Top Ten Excuses For The Gap Between Blogs

The last blog was on January 19th.  Here are the top ten reasons for the gap between it and this blog:

10 - The dog ate my Internet.

9 - My computer eloped with my smart phone.

8 - I couldn't find a pencil and paper.

7 - I was eaten by cannibals, but they barfed.

6 - I joined a cult, rested in bed and drank plenty of fluids and the cult went away.

5 - My uncle died for the third time.

4 - January 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 and 29 were religious holidays.

3 - I had the swine flu and the bird flu and discovered that pigs can fly.

2 - I washed my brain and couldn't do a thing with it.

And the Number 1 excuse for the gap between the last blog and this blog:  Space.

ON EXCUSES

"Where's your dog?"
A homework monster ate it."



"Sorry, but I can't have you over for dinner.  I'm using my knives for something else, and can't prepare food properly," said Jack The Ripper.



"Sorry I can't come to your picnic.  During the day is not a good time for me," said Dracula. 



"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do" really means,
"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I will do. You're not rich and powerful and cannot affect my career."



"I can't write today.  My pen is in the drawer, and the paper is way over there on the shelf."



"Hi boss?  It's me.  I can't come to work today.  I have Alzheimer's disease.  And I'll have 4 Cokes as well.  How long before the pizza arrives?"



"I would love to be your leader, but I didn't get enough votes,"  said Hillary.



"I want to be honest, but I don't want to ruin it for my coworkers," said the politician.



"I would love to come up with more excuses, but I have to deliver some cokes and a pizza."

EXCUSES FOR NOT WRITING THIS BLOG

I am too confused to write.  I feel as if I am a Caitlyn Jenner trapped in a Gary Johnston.  

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I cannot write.  I don't have a writer's licence.

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I am too busy thinking up excuses for not writing.

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My pen ran out of ink and I don't have enough money to buy a refill.

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I am too busy Christmas shopping.  (There are only 201 days left.)

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I am too busy not being on vacation to write.

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The dog ate my ideas.

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Too busy hanging out with my laundry.

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And the final excuse I am not writing this blog?  I have nothing to say.

JUDGEMENT DAY?

A Christian group claims that the world will end Saturday May 21, 2011.  On this date, Jesus will  come back to take all the goodies up to Heaven, and leave the baddies to burn in Hell forever and ever, Amen.  Of course this happens with the approval of a God that loves "unconditionally."

What will be the excuse, or excuses, this group will come up with on Sunday May 22, 2011?  Our calculations were off?  God changed His mind?  Jesus wasn't feeling well?   Jesus' chariot broke down?   The Rapture ruptured?  We forgot that Heaven is closed on weekends?  The dog ate my Bible?  The Devil made us say it?               The Toronto Maple Leafs didn't win the Stanley Cup?   What will their excuse be for the world not ending? 


(I have an asbestos suit ready just in case.)