EXCUSES FOR NOT WRITING THIS BLOG

I am too confused to write.  I feel as if I am a Caitlyn Jenner trapped in a Gary Johnston.  

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I cannot write.  I don't have a writer's licence.

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I am too busy thinking up excuses for not writing.

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My pen ran out of ink and I don't have enough money to buy a refill.

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I am too busy Christmas shopping.  (There are only 201 days left.)

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I am too busy not being on vacation to write.

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The dog ate my ideas.

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Too busy hanging out with my laundry.

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And the final excuse I am not writing this blog?  I have nothing to say.

GOING TO A PSYCHIATRIST?

"I just can't seem to express myself," says the pen to the psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist examines the pen and says, "You need a new refill."


After an extensive examination, the orange asks the psychiatrists, "Doc, what is wrong with me?"
"I'm afraid that you are going to have to live with this condition for the rest of your life," says the psychiatrist.
"I will?" says the orange.  "What is my problem?"
"And the psychiatrist says, "Your problem is that you don't rhyme with anything."


A psychiatrist sees a bunch of bananas sitting in his waiting room.  He says to them, "Forget about coming in here to see me.  There's nothing I can do for you.  You're bananas!"


A psychiatrist goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Will you say that I am okay if I say that you are okay?"


A black hole goes to see a psychiatrist  and says, "Every time I get close to something, I suck it up and it disappears."
And the psychiatrist says, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" and was gone.


A funny bone technician goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Some days I feel that my blog is funny, and some days I feel that my blog is not funny."
The psychiatrist says, "You could be right." 

 

  

ENGLISH PROVERBS REVISITED

Two wrongs don't make a right, or anything else.  Whoever heard of a wrong making anything?

The pen is mightier than the sword that is smaller and duller than the pen.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do as soon as you can figure out what the Romans do.  This will be difficult since the Roman Empire fell over a thousand years ago.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease and uses the grease to style its hair.  This must be true since no one has seen a squeaky wheel with messy hair.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Where?  Who knows?  But eventually the tough have to return to get grease for their squeaky wheels.  

No man is an island, and neither is a woman.  This is not a profound observation -- especially when you compare the physical characteristics of islands to the physical characteristics of human beings.

Fortune favors the bold because it is related to the bold.  It's a simple case of nepotism.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.  They should also put lots of money aside for glass cleaner.

"Two heads are better than one,"  said the Siamese twin trying to make himself feel better over being joined at the head to his brother.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the beholder rarely resorts to surgery to have the beauty removed.