Complaints, Quotes and Thoughts

"Hey!  What does this picture have to do with complaints, quotes and thoughts?"
"Nothing.  I could not find a picture to suit the title, and I love bananas."

"I don't mind him sucking my neck, but he spilled blood all over my new evening dress."

- A woman complaining to The Vampire Association.

"I wish there was a place where we could exchange our president."

- A U.S. citizen

"Gawd!  I have to smile and pretend I like this event."

- Queen Elizabeth II

"Wait a minute.  These nails are rusted.  Haven't you got new ones?"

- Jesus to the Romans

"I think I'll quit this job and become a marriage counselor."

- Henry VIII

"I won't be writing any notes with either foot."

- An exhausted dancer

"Too bad we don't have a union.  These hours are killing me!"

- Florence Nightingale

"I wish people wouldn't split us and just buy us as a bunch."

- A banana

"Is this the best you can do?"

"Yeah."

"Perhaps should consider a career in Accounting."

LAST WORDS OF . . .

Frankie The Fire-Breathing Dragon:  "Oh, Saint George, you're not being very polite!"

Count Dracula:  "See you later."

A Great White Shark:  "Yuck!  That human tasted terrible."

God:  "Oh dear, I thought I was immortal."

Gary Johnston:  "Damn!  My bananas are still green."

GOING TO A PSYCHIATRIST?

"I just can't seem to express myself," says the pen to the psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist examines the pen and says, "You need a new refill."


After an extensive examination, the orange asks the psychiatrists, "Doc, what is wrong with me?"
"I'm afraid that you are going to have to live with this condition for the rest of your life," says the psychiatrist.
"I will?" says the orange.  "What is my problem?"
"And the psychiatrist says, "Your problem is that you don't rhyme with anything."


A psychiatrist sees a bunch of bananas sitting in his waiting room.  He says to them, "Forget about coming in here to see me.  There's nothing I can do for you.  You're bananas!"


A psychiatrist goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Will you say that I am okay if I say that you are okay?"


A black hole goes to see a psychiatrist  and says, "Every time I get close to something, I suck it up and it disappears."
And the psychiatrist says, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" and was gone.


A funny bone technician goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Some days I feel that my blog is funny, and some days I feel that my blog is not funny."
The psychiatrist says, "You could be right." 

 

  

A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?

I went to bed wondering, "Whatever became of me?"   Asking myself such questions helps me to fall asleep.  Some other questions I have asked myself before falling asleep are, "Am I a pigment of my imagination?"  "Do ideas come from the same place as dust?"  "Should I buy green bananas on December 20, 2012?"

Sometime during the night, I awoke to find my myself out of my body travelling down a dark, mysterious tunnel.  I was moving towards this glorious, loving Light at the tunnel's end.   The Light was bright, but not blinding.   Its unconditional love encompassed me even though I was still in the tunnel.

Suddenly, I decided to turn around and go back to my body.  I had forgotten my wallet.