UPDATED PROVERBS . . .

Good things come to those who cheat, bribe and steal.

A dog is a man's best friend and, with the way morals are going, may be his lover, too.

A bird in the hand may lead to cruelty-to-animal charges.

Honesty may not be the best policy.

Haste makes  attention deficit disorder easy to have.

Slow and steady wins points during sex.

An apple a day can make the drug companies lose money. 

A rolling stone gathers fans -- even after all these years.

People who live in glass houses are exhibitionists.

Don't cry over spilled dairy-free soy milk.

You can lead a horse to water, but why would you when you be spend your time on the Internet reading silly blogs. 

ENGLISH PROVERBS REVISITED

Two wrongs don't make a right, or anything else.  Whoever heard of a wrong making anything?

The pen is mightier than the sword that is smaller and duller than the pen.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do as soon as you can figure out what the Romans do.  This will be difficult since the Roman Empire fell over a thousand years ago.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease and uses the grease to style its hair.  This must be true since no one has seen a squeaky wheel with messy hair.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Where?  Who knows?  But eventually the tough have to return to get grease for their squeaky wheels.  

No man is an island, and neither is a woman.  This is not a profound observation -- especially when you compare the physical characteristics of islands to the physical characteristics of human beings.

Fortune favors the bold because it is related to the bold.  It's a simple case of nepotism.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.  They should also put lots of money aside for glass cleaner.

"Two heads are better than one,"  said the Siamese twin trying to make himself feel better over being joined at the head to his brother.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the beholder rarely resorts to surgery to have the beauty removed.