UPDATED PROVERBS . . .

Good things come to those who cheat, bribe and steal.

A dog is a man's best friend and, with the way morals are going, may be his lover, too.

A bird in the hand may lead to cruelty-to-animal charges.

Honesty may not be the best policy.

Haste makes  attention deficit disorder easy to have.

Slow and steady wins points during sex.

An apple a day can make the drug companies lose money. 

A rolling stone gathers fans -- even after all these years.

People who live in glass houses are exhibitionists.

Don't cry over spilled dairy-free soy milk.

You can lead a horse to water, but why would you when you be spend your time on the Internet reading silly blogs.