Ten Warning Signs for Alzheimer's

1 - Memory Loss
        It is normal to occasionally forget things.  A person with Alzheimer's will make enormous profits to the car industry which was abolished in 1847.

2 - Difficulty Performing Tasks
      Some tasks are difficult to perform.  A person with Alzheimer's may have trouble performing easy tasks such as moving a mountain from the refrigerator to the stove.

3 - Problems Speaking
           Everyone has trouble finding the right word sometimes.  A person with Alzheimer's may fogget simea gorba to swoosh.

4 - Disorientation In Time and Space
        It is normal to forget what day it is.  A person with Alzheimer's can become lost if abducted and then dropped off somewhere in space by prankster aliens.

5 - Impaired Judgment
       It is normal to make questionable decisions.  People with Alzheimer's may decide to wear heavy clothing on a hot day, or write a blog about warning signs for Alzheimer's.

6 - Misplacing Things
       Everyone occasionally misplaces a wallet or keys.  People with Alzheimer's may put things in inappropriate places such as their feet in their mouths.

7 - Mathematics
        Not everyone likes mathematics.  People with Alzheimer's can't count.

Top Ten Excuses For The Gap Between Blogs

The last blog was on January 19th.  Here are the top ten reasons for the gap between it and this blog:

10 - The dog ate my Internet.

9 - My computer eloped with my smart phone.

8 - I couldn't find a pencil and paper.

7 - I was eaten by cannibals, but they barfed.

6 - I joined a cult, rested in bed and drank plenty of fluids and the cult went away.

5 - My uncle died for the third time.

4 - January 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 and 29 were religious holidays.

3 - I had the swine flu and the bird flu and discovered that pigs can fly.

2 - I washed my brain and couldn't do a thing with it.

And the Number 1 excuse for the gap between the last blog and this blog:  Space.

I REMEMBER . . .

Some doctor told me that I have amnesia.  I don't remember his name.  I feel okay.  I think he was mistaken.  My memory is fine.  I can remember things that never happened. 

I remember:

- When an incurable plague raged around the world and killed off nobody;

- When a clown saved Earth from an alien-balloon invasion, and created another universe with a Big Bang;

- When Moses said to God, "Ten?  You only have ten?" 

- When an alien, with a degree in anal probeology, suffered major depression because he could not decide who the biggest asshole was on Earth;

- When I had only a month to live, but lived longer because I did not have a calendar;

- When a zombie ate my brains and then complained, "I'm still hungry!  There wasn't enough."

- When I had to choose between love or money and chose bananas; and

Finally I remember when I ran out of ideas.