MUSINGS

Everywhere I go, I always look at the walls.  How come I never see any walnuts?


I inherited bad smells from my father.  He died before I had a chance to thank him.  

Where did Dad get his bad smells from?  His father?  And did my grandfather get his bad smells from my great grandfather?  And did my great-grandfather get his bad smells from my great-great grandfather?  And so on.

I can trace my bad smells back to the beginning with the Big Bang.  The Big Bang  was likely a giant fart.

 

Do you find that as you cycle through life, some people are like red lights at the bottom of a hill?

If I knew a family secret, then would I tell it to myself?

Will anyone object if I decide to speak at my funeral?

THE ENDING YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.  PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. 

I REMEMBER . . .

Some doctor told me that I have amnesia.  I don't remember his name.  I feel okay.  I think he was mistaken.  My memory is fine.  I can remember things that never happened. 

I remember:

- When an incurable plague raged around the world and killed off nobody;

- When a clown saved Earth from an alien-balloon invasion, and created another universe with a Big Bang;

- When Moses said to God, "Ten?  You only have ten?" 

- When an alien, with a degree in anal probeology, suffered major depression because he could not decide who the biggest asshole was on Earth;

- When I had only a month to live, but lived longer because I did not have a calendar;

- When a zombie ate my brains and then complained, "I'm still hungry!  There wasn't enough."

- When I had to choose between love or money and chose bananas; and

Finally I remember when I ran out of ideas.