ON PROCRASTINATION

CREATIVE PROCRASTINATION 101

If you're just getting started as a procrastinator, and haven't decided what you are going to put off doing, then this course gives you the opportunity to put off a selection of different tasks.  (We'll get back to you about location and cost.)


A procrastinator walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
The procrastinator said, "Uhhh . . . "


"How many procrastinators does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Just one, but he or she may never get around to doing it." 


"Why did the procrastinator cross the road?"
"I don't know.  Why?"
"To avoid doing things on the other side."


"Have you decided what you want?" asked the bartender.
"Yes," replied the procrastinator.
"Well?  What?"
"I want more time to decide."  


"What's a procrastinator's favorite word?"
"What?"
"No, not 'What.'  It's tomorrow."


"Why didn't the procrastinator draw a circle?"
"I don't know.  Why?"
"Because he never got around to it."

 


"Look," said the bartender, "I'm running a business here.  If you can't decide what you want, then I'm going to ask you to leave."
"Okay," said the procrastinator, "I want a drink. . . "
"Well?  What kind of drink?"
"A Gin and tonic," said the procrastinator.
"Hallelujah!  He finally ordered a drink.  One Gin and tonic coming up."
"Wait a minute," said the procrastinator.  I'd like a Gin and tonic, but can I drink it tomorrow?"

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?

January 6, 2015 already?  Last year this time it was January 6, 2014.  Two years ago it was January 6, 2013.  I think I see a pattern.

How come time goes so fast?  It seems as if it was only yesterday that I was in Grade 3 and being yelled at for picking my nose.  And wasn't it only this morning that I was 35 years old and graduating from high school?  Where does the time go?

Here are some of the reasons time goes so fast:

- Time has the runs;

- Time rushes to try to catch Now becoming Then;

- Time wants to get to McDonald's before the breakfast menu ends;

- Time is trying to shake off its past;

- Time is trying to go back in time to change its past;

- Time is about to give birth;

- Time is late for its appointment with its therapist;

   (Time constantly sees a therapist to deal with the emotional trauma caused by people beating the clock.)

- Time is addicted to methamphetamine;

- Time slept in and is late for Eternity.

These are only a some of the reasons time goes so fast.  Are these reasons true?  Time will tell. 

AN APOCALYPSE, ANYONE?

An apocalypse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"
The apocalypse says, "Give me a zombie, please."

***

An apocalypse walks into a bar and stares sadly off into space.  The bartender asks, "Why are you sad?"
The apocalypse says, "My religion doesn't understand me."

***

Q:  Why did the apocalypse cross the road?
A:  It was following a chicken.

***

Q:  Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:  To get to another religion.

***

Q:  How many apocalypses does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  One.  One apocalypse will change everything.

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"
"Apocalypse."
Apocalypse who?"
"Apocalypse Now."

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with peanut butter?

A:  A big sticky mess!

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with rotten eggs?
A:  A big stinky mess!

***

Q:  What do you get when you cross an apocalypse with peanut butter and rotten eggs?

A:  The inside of a baby's diaper.

***

Q:  What's the difference between an apocalypse and food?
A:  You don't know?  You must have some interesting meals.

***

Q:  What did the apocalypse say to doomsday?

A:   Apocalypse said, "Is this it?"

***

An apocalypse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "The End Is Here!"