ON PROCRASTINATION

CREATIVE PROCRASTINATION 101

If you're just getting started as a procrastinator, and haven't decided what you are going to put off doing, then this course gives you the opportunity to put off a selection of different tasks.  (We'll get back to you about location and cost.)


A procrastinator walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
The procrastinator said, "Uhhh . . . "


"How many procrastinators does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Just one, but he or she may never get around to doing it." 


"Why did the procrastinator cross the road?"
"I don't know.  Why?"
"To avoid doing things on the other side."


"Have you decided what you want?" asked the bartender.
"Yes," replied the procrastinator.
"Well?  What?"
"I want more time to decide."  


"What's a procrastinator's favorite word?"
"What?"
"No, not 'What.'  It's tomorrow."


"Why didn't the procrastinator draw a circle?"
"I don't know.  Why?"
"Because he never got around to it."

 


"Look," said the bartender, "I'm running a business here.  If you can't decide what you want, then I'm going to ask you to leave."
"Okay," said the procrastinator, "I want a drink. . . "
"Well?  What kind of drink?"
"A Gin and tonic," said the procrastinator.
"Hallelujah!  He finally ordered a drink.  One Gin and tonic coming up."
"Wait a minute," said the procrastinator.  I'd like a Gin and tonic, but can I drink it tomorrow?"

MODERN FAIRY TALE TITLES WITH THE OCCASIONAL HEADLINE

Snow White and the Seven Drug Addicts

The Ant and the Grasshopper: A Tale of True Love

GINGERBREAD MAN BECOMES GINGERBREAD WOMAN

 Alice's Adventures Online

Beauty and the Feast: How One Woman Strayed From Her Diet

The Boy Who Cried Wolves Instead of Tears: A Modern Medicine Mystery 

CINDERELLA SUES FAIRY GODMOTHER OVER GLASS SLIPPER INJURY

Stupid and Psyche

The Emperor's New Clothes: Made In China

Men Are From East of the Sun, Women Are From West of the Moon

ANT AND GRASSHOPPER FIRST TO MARRY AFTER MARRIAGE-LAW CHANGE

The Fisherman and His Wife and Prince Hamlet:  A Tale of Wishes Greed and Procrastination

The Goose, the Golden Eggs, and the Federal Reserve

Jack and the Skyscraper

SNOW WHITE CHARGED WITH POSSESSION OF COCAINE
 
The Princess and the Pee: One Woman's Battle With Her Bladder 

Singood the Sailor Saint

Sleeping Beauty, Waking Ugly

FUNNY BONE BLOGGER HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS

EXCUSES FOR NOT ALWAYS GETTING ONLINE TO BLOG . . .

A pipe burst in my laptop and I could not get hold of a plumber.

I got stuck in The Twilight Zone buying and selling "unreal" estate.

I fell into a black hole and then a wormhole, and was almost eaten by a giant robin.

Aliens messed with my memory and . . . I could not get hold of an architect.

The world ended and public transit was slow.

The dog ate my Internet connection.

I lost my aluminum hat which protects me from alien and computer radiation.

I was in Germany eating vegetables.

I helped Sir Onion rescue Lady Hamand Cheese from a fire-breathing sandwich.

Being online interferes with my Procrastinators Anonymous meetings.