Mark Twain died Thursday April 21, 1910. He stopped making speeches shortly after his death.
Here are some quotes from the speeches he never made:
"I'll never be eaten by cannibals. Never the Twain shall meat."
"Give me liberty, or give me death! On second thought, give me a hot fudge sundae."
"To pee, or not to pee? What is wrong with my bladder?"
"If you cannot do great things, give up."
"I have a dream! I have a dream! I have a dream that one day I will be Martin Luther King."
"You must be the change you wish to see in your pocket."
"Money is the root of all fun."
"That's not all, folks, but it's enough for now."
To pee, or not to pee?
That is the question.
Whether it is nobler in the mind
To use the washroom here, or risk suffering
The slings and arrows of outrageous bladder pains
Later when a washroom is far away . . .
Some
are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
have great body odor.
If music be hockey, play on -- except if you're the Toronto Maple Leafs. In that case, methinks you should play golf.
This above all; to thine own self be clean. Have a shower once a day.
Give thy thoughts no tongue; however if you meet a nice
person then . . .
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I am a cannibal looking for a light snack.
The course of true love never did run smooth, and there's so many diseases you can get, too.
If music be the food of love, play on.Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/william_shakespeare.html#DYP5ka6xSpcL0ji3.99
Snow White and the Seven Drug Addicts
The Ant and the Grasshopper: A Tale of True Love
GINGERBREAD MAN BECOMES GINGERBREAD WOMAN
Alice's Adventures Online
Beauty and the Feast: How One Woman Strayed From Her Diet
The Boy Who Cried Wolves Instead of Tears: A Modern Medicine Mystery
CINDERELLA SUES FAIRY GODMOTHER OVER GLASS SLIPPER INJURY
Stupid and Psyche
The Emperor's New Clothes: Made In China
Men Are From East of the Sun, Women Are From West of the Moon
ANT AND GRASSHOPPER FIRST TO MARRY AFTER MARRIAGE-LAW CHANGE
The Fisherman and His Wife and Prince Hamlet: A Tale of Wishes Greed and Procrastination
The Goose, the Golden Eggs, and the Federal Reserve
Jack and the Skyscraper
SNOW WHITE CHARGED WITH POSSESSION OF COCAINE
The Princess and the Pee: One Woman's Battle With Her Bladder
Singood the Sailor Saint
Sleeping Beauty, Waking Ugly
FUNNY BONE BLOGGER HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS
