BAD POETRY

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I wish you weren't here
So I could be with you

*

I saw a World in a Grain of Sand
And Heaven in a Wild Flower.
And then I thought,
"I better get my eyes checked." 

*

Jack and Jill went up the hill to-
(CENSORED) 

*

The wheels on the bus go round and round
The sun across the sky goes up and down
And here I am on the ground wondering,
"What else rhymes with round?"

*

How do I love thee?
I would love to count the ways,
But I can't count.

*

Pooma pooma pooma
Dippy demi dooma
Isket bisket gooma
Pooma pooma pooma

* 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood.
And then I went home alone
And wrote down this poem.


*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This is The End
And it doesn't rhyme

Gary Johnston gratefully acknowledges the support he receives from the English Alphabet. 

MORE MUSINGS . . .

Do people argue with their neighbors over whose grass is greener?


If a doctor makes a house call, does the house stop calling once the doctor leaves?


"May I ask you a question?"  is a question asked without permission.


"Is it true?"
No, they are different words.  It is a pronoun, and true is an adjective.

Is bad poetry verse than bad puns?

COMING ATTRACTIONS

POETRY OLYMPICS

This summer come see which poems will take home gold medals during the Poetry Olympics.  Come see such poems as A Dream Within A Dream, Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening, The Charge Of The Light Brigade, I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud and others plus all 154 of Shakespeare's sonnets compete in various sports to see which ones are the best. 

July/August (Various times)

Story Stadium

***

MOLECULE CELEBRATION!

Come celebrate Molecule culture with the following events:

Molecule Fashion

The Fartwong Museum explores the decorative techniques of Molecule clothing.   

May 4, 7pm

The Fartwong Museum

Introduction To Molecule Music

Hear the sounds of Molecules playing particle pianos, atomic accordions and electron echomuckers.

May 8, 7pm

Molecule Music Museum

Conversations With Dead Molecules

British psychic Bori B. Bagworm will go into a trance and contact the spirits of dead Molecules to see what they have to say.

May 12, 7pm

Seance Swimming Pool

(Bring a bathing suit)  

***

 THE WRITERS SPEAK

Come hear the following writers, no one is reading, at the Literary Aardvark Auditorium:

Terry Tarrytoon

How To Be A Failure

June 4, 7pm

John J. Geranium

 The Life And Times of  Harry Houdini's Houseplants  

June 8, 7pm

Kelley Kay Kite

Flying With No Strings

June 12, 7pm

Gail Goofanza

The Idiot's Guide To Stupidity

June 16, 7pm

Kim Miracle

Frozen Hell

June 20, 7pm

Homer

Immortality In A Nutshell

June 31, 7pm

***

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THESE EVENTS GO TO 
www.doesgaryhavenothingbettertodo.com  

JUST A FEW QUESTIONS . . .

Did Edgar Allan Poe invent poetry?

 

Can you communicate effectively with your foot in your mouth?

If in the beginning there was a void, then what was the first letter of this void?

One last question  . . .  Is there anything else I can ask?

EVERYWHERE (AND SOME CRAP)

Question:  Why did Everywhere cross the street?

Answer:  Because it was the other side.

 

Listen.

Our ancestors speak to us

Through wind chimes and stones.

"What's that doing here?" says my blog.

"It just came to me so I wrote it down," says I.

"I would prefer you to stick to stuff that is supposed to be funny, and forget the philosophical-poetry crap."

"Okay."

Everywhere walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

Everywhere says, "I'll have everything, please."

The bartender takes awhile, but he fixes everything and brings it to Everywhere.  He says to Everywhere, "Haven't I seen you around?"

Everywhere says, "I should hope so!"

Everywhere finishes its everything and leaves the bar to go where it is.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Everywhere."

"Everywhere who?"

"Never mind.  If you have to ask, then you're not paying attention."

Question:  How many everywhere's does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:  One.  There is only one everywhere.

The wind blows the past

Through pines 

Making history endless

"That's it!" says my blog.

"I'm sorry, but it slipped out."  

"I'm not giving you another chance for any more crap to slip out.   We're done for today."

TWENTY THIRD CENTURY SURREALIST POETRY

The Emperor of the Fireflies

 The Emperor of the Fireflies

Locked up the moon in the garden

 And the man in the moon's hay fever

Threw a party that lasted for 647 sneezes

Before the ghost of Salvador Dali helped the moon escape to

Shadow Lake 

Shadow Lake, with bags under its eyes,

Finished its breakfast before leaving

For its job of mirroring the world.

Warrior Clouds and Mighty Mountains

Warrior Clouds broke their white wings

Fighting with Mighty Mountains

Over which station to watch on the sky.      

Barefoot Words

Barefoot Words preached green sunrises

To those who did not attend 

The man in the moon's hay-fever party.

Wild Waves walking along the shore shouted,

"Shut up, Barefoot Words!"  

The ensuing struggle between Barefoot Words and Wild Waves

Disturbed Warrior Clouds and Mighty Mountains

Who had agreed to watch 

On the sky.

    

PRODUCTS THAT NEVER SOLD

Upside Down Potato Chips


Saddles for Birds


Poison Ivy Ice Skates


Bicycles for Computers


Earwax Cereal


Swimsuits for fish


Wristwatches for trees


Plastic Elevators


Invisible Money 
(Everyone has too much)


Steel Snow


Wholewheat Bread Liqueur 


The Complete Book of Baseball Poetry

 
Fleur-de-lis  Cider Cake


Feather Hammers


Containers for Black Holes


Radioactive Carpets


Sour Cream Skateboards 


Ultraviolet Sausages


Sudden Endings

DECISIONS! DECISIONS! DECISIONS!

Should I take dancing lessons so I can teach poetry to peppermint peanuts?

Should I attend "The Great Picnic"  in The Land Of The Ant People?

Should I feel better now that I am feeling good?

Should I try to get the government to ban the word "prohibited"?

Should I find a place outside of Where?

Should I throw out my Y2K Survival Kit?

Should I come up with another name for the God Particle that atheists can use?

Since I contain active bacterial cultures, should I try a career as a tub of yogurt?

Should I think what I believe I think what I believe, or should I believe what I think?

Should I carry cash around with me instead of money?

Should I sell my castle in the air, or keep it and rent it to clouds?

Should I get experience at getting experience?

Should I disappea--