Stupid Cloud Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked one cloud to another.
The other said, "I haven't the foggiest."


After seeing its companion, the cloud said, "I mist you!"


"How can you tell whether a cloud is sad?"
"I don't know."
"It gets misty-eyed."


"What's a cloud's favorite engine?"
"What?"
"A steam engine."

Do clouds believe in climate change?

"Why do clouds like the sky?"

"Why?"

"Because the sky has a nice atmosphere."

"Where do clouds keep their money?"

"Where?"

"In their pockets."

"But clouds don't have pockets."

"Oh.  That explains why you never see clouds shopping."

"Why don't clouds take the bus?"

"Why?"

"Because they travel the sky for free."

CHRISTMAS QUESTIONS

Is Christmas getting close when you see red squirrels eating green nuts?



Doesn't Santa violate privacy laws by keeping a list of who is naughty and nice?



Why don't Santa and Mrs. Claus have children?  Is Santa too busy with the elves?



Should Rudolph get paid more than the other reindeer?



Do Santa's elves have a dental plan?



How old is Santa, and when is he going to retire?



Does reindeer poop contribute to climate change?



Does Santa deliver toys around the world in one night without having to go to the bathroom?



Has Santa ever used a razor?



Are Santa and Mrs. Claus renting, or do they own their North Pole home?



What is Mrs. Claus' first name?


Is it Christmas yet?
(Just 31 days away)

ALL ABOUT KANGAROOS

"Why did the kangaroo cross the road?"
"Why?"
"It was on its way to its court."



"How many kangaroos does it take to change a light bulb?"
"I don't know.  How many?
"I don't know either.  That's why I asked."

"What is a kangaroo's biggest fault?"
"What?"
"Jumping to conclusions."




"What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a blog?"
"I don't know."
"A blog that jumps all over the place."


 

"What did the Moon say to Mars?"
"I don't know.  What?"
"Do you come here often?  What is your sign?  Can I buy you a black hole?"




Is it true that Indigo gets the blues?




Climate change isn't true because it isn't mentioned in The Bible.

LINKS ON A CHAIN AND OTHER UNCONNECTED STUFF

How do links on a chain know which one is the weakest?

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Are stormy marriages caused by climate change?

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A house divided against itself . . . 
equals one?

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A penny saved isn't much these days.

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A leopard can't change its spots, but its mood swings are a different story.

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Where is the thousand-word painting done by A. Picture?

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 If the beholder wants to see, then it better have an eye surgeon remove beauty.

EARTH DAY

THE TRUTH ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING

According to an article about nuclear power plant accidents by Simon Rogers in The Guardian, there have been "33 serious incidents and accidents at nuclear power stations since the first recorded one in 1952 at Chalk River in Ontario, Canada."  The last one recorded was in Fukushima in 2011.

http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/mar/14/nuclear-power-plant-accidents-list-rank 

All the radiation from these accidents finds its way to something in male testicles.  Scientists don't know what that something is, but it attracts radiation at a phenomenal rate.  The radiation causes the testicles to glow and warm the surrounding area.  (This glow can only be seen with special equipment and is not visible to the naked eye.)

As of 2014, there were 3.5 billion males on Earth.  With the number of males and amount of radiation on the planet, Glow-Ball Warming is real.  The people in power tried to cover up Glow-Ball Warming by calling it Global Warming.  When this did not work, they changed the name from Global Warming to Climate Change.  

The radioactive glow from all the male testicles, caused by them attracting leaked radiation, is warming the planet.  That's the truth.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS . . .

What do you get when you cross . . . 

- A turtle with a house?
  A turtle with a huge shell, or a house that crawls.

- Donald Trump with Barack Obama?
  A confused presidential candidate.

- A street with your legs?
  The other side.

- A table with a chair?
   A spider.  (Salvador Dali told me this joke.  I don't get it.  Do you?)

- Climate change with money?
   Weather in your wallet.  

- A cross a cross with a question mark?
   A religion called Why?

-  A depressed bear with an ecstatic bear?
   A bipolar bear. 

- Null and void?

 

WINTER, CLOUDS AND DUST

Winter walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

Winter says, "I'll have a Climate Change, please."

"Hot or cold?" asks the bartender.

"Surprise me," says Winter.

A cloud walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I thought I said, 'Send in the clowns.'  What will it be?"

The cloud says, "I haven't the foggiest."

"You gotta order something," says the bartender.

"Okay," says the cloud, "I'll have a Climate Change."

"Hot or cold?" asks the bartender.

"I haven't the foggiest," says the cloud.

Some dust walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Achooo!"

The dust says, "You gotta keep away from Climate Change.  It's affecting your health, and I'm leaving now because I don't want you affecting my health."

 

WHAT IF NEWS

What if Rob Ford and John Tory are secret lovers?  What if, during sex, John Tory beats Rob Ford while Jian Ghomeshi 
watches?  


What if Ebola is not a virus, but something used to eat Esoupa?


What if poor toilet training is the real reason people turn into terrorists?


What if computer hackers used hatchets?


What if the World Series had a baseball team from every country on Earth?  Would the playoffs take Eternity?


What if smart bombs made people smarter instead of killing them?  Would leaders of countries ask other leaders,
"Would you bomb us, please?"


What if climate change was hot and cold coins you carried in your pocket?  Would the homeless would say, "Can you spare some climate change?  I wanna buy some pure water."?


What if once news was not new, it was called olds?


What if this is The End?

What if something, like this sentence, comes after The End?

IF ONLY WE COULD HEAR . . .

"People who live in me should be neat."
                                                - A Glass House


"It's not fair that the paper charged me with sexual assault.  I was only rubbing out pencil marks."
                                                - An Eraser


"I know the meaning of life!"
                                                - A Dictionary


"I wish people would piss off and not in me!"
                                                - A Swimming Pool


"How can I see so many soles and not be in Heaven or Hell?"
                                                 - A Floor


"One day I hope to be a great novel."
                                                  - A Tree


"How the hell can I be the new black?"
                                                   - An Orange


"Okay.  Enough!  It's time for a change."
                                                   - The Climate