Not All About Halloween

"Why did the pumpkin cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To get away from Halloween."

"Why did Halloween cross the road?"
"I dunno."
"It was following the pumpkin."
"But why was Halloween following the pumpkin?"
"Look, don't make a stupid joke complicated!  Okay?"
"Okay."

A pumpkin walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the pumpkin said, "Do you serve pumpkin pie?"
"Yes, we do," said the bartender.
"Murderer!" screamed the pumpkin and stormed out.

"How many pumpkins does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"One billion."
"A billion?  Why so many?"
"Because pumpkins don't have hands."

IF ONLY WE COULD HEAR . . .

"People who live in me should be neat."
                                                - A Glass House


"It's not fair that the paper charged me with sexual assault.  I was only rubbing out pencil marks."
                                                - An Eraser


"I know the meaning of life!"
                                                - A Dictionary


"I wish people would piss off and not in me!"
                                                - A Swimming Pool


"How can I see so many soles and not be in Heaven or Hell?"
                                                 - A Floor


"One day I hope to be a great novel."
                                                  - A Tree


"How the hell can I be the new black?"
                                                   - An Orange


"Okay.  Enough!  It's time for a change."
                                                   - The Climate