Not All About Halloween

"Why did the pumpkin cross the road?"
"Why?"
"To get away from Halloween."

"Why did Halloween cross the road?"
"I dunno."
"It was following the pumpkin."
"But why was Halloween following the pumpkin?"
"Look, don't make a stupid joke complicated!  Okay?"
"Okay."

A pumpkin walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the pumpkin said, "Do you serve pumpkin pie?"
"Yes, we do," said the bartender.
"Murderer!" screamed the pumpkin and stormed out.

"How many pumpkins does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"One billion."
"A billion?  Why so many?"
"Because pumpkins don't have hands."

THE OLD AND THE NEW

The old rule was that one should never kiss goodnight on the first date.  A kiss goodnight should come on the second or third date.  That rule has been updated to Always use a condom.


At one time, people would never answer the telephone during dinner.  Now people squeeze in dinner between text messages and phone calls.


People used to spend a lot of time combing their hair to make it neat.  Now they spend more time . . .

Before, people would never wear ripped jeans. . .

Godzilla got away with this way back when . . .

Now he would be arrested and charged, for causing damage, and sued by all parties inconvenienced by his rude behavior.

Old mannequins? 

There was a time when The End never complained . . .

UNSUCCESSFUL PICK-UP LINES

"You have such lovely eye balls."
 
"Hey sweetie, can I pick your nose?" 

"Would you like to come back to my place and look at my rash?"

"I love how your ear lobes hold your earrings."

"I have a gut feeling that we were meant to be together --  
  particularly in my bowels. 

"I would love to soak our dentures in the same glass!"

 "I love the way you sneeze on me."

"How quickly do you think I can memorize your telephone
  number?"

"Would you like to run barefoot through the park with me?  We 
  could watch the doggy caca ooze through our toes."

GODZILLA'S CAREER CHANGE?

 

 

 

 

The Road Not Eaten

          Two roads diverged from a yellow banana

          And sorry I could not eat both

          And be one eater and not gain weight, long I stood

          And looked down one as far as I could
          To where it bent in someone's underwear

          Then ate the other, just as fair

          And having perhaps the better brown spots

          Because it was soft and wanted to be a pear 

          Though as for that does not make sense
          But they were both about the same

 

          I shall be telling this with a sigh

          Somewhere ages and ages hence, or perhaps tomorrow:

          Two roads diverged from a yellow banana, and I --

          I ate the one with the better brown spots,

         And that has made all the difference because now I have gas. 

 

                                                       - Godzilla 

 

 

 

 

"I don't mind working with him, but you've got to do something about his banana breath."

"Excuse me? Would you mind smoking inside?"

Godzilla, who is allergic to coffee, finds other ways to kickstart his day.