A Day of Smells

No matter where I went today, people were smoking cigarettes, smoking marijuana or farting.  Lots of cigarettes.  Lots of marijuana.  Lots of farts.

I do not like smelling cigarette smoke.  
I do not like smelling pot smoke.
I do not mind people farting.

Why?

There is no evidence that a second-hand fart is harmful. 

VISUAL DISTRACTIONS

This sign is at the Wilson Subway Station, in Toronto, in an area being renovated.  It should be near the parliament buildings, at Queen's Park, where the Ontario government shits-er-uh-I mean sits.



Signs that exist only in this blog:

 

 

MOVIES YOU WILL NEVER SEE . . .

INVASION OF THE GOAT-CHEESE FARTS

An evil race of goat-cheese farts, from a planet in the Aries Constellation, attack Earth.  General Air Freshener leads an army of armed fragrances to stop the goat-cheese farts from global domination.

*** 

AW NUTS!

A squirrel falls in love with his psychiatrist while the psychiatrist is treating the squirrel for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

 ***

 "What's this smoking thing doing in a blog about movies not seen?"

"I don't know.  It just turned up.  Perhaps it will go away if we ignore it."

***

Two lunchboxes fall in love under a full noon.

***

 THE SPELL

A witch wreaks havoc when she casts spells at a Spelling Bee.

***

 

A funny bone technician stops blogging for today.  He goes to the grocery store for material for future blogs.  

"How exciting.  I'm glad I'll never see that movie."

"Me too."

SIGNS THAT DO NOT BELONG

Sign at a construction site

Sign in a womb

 Sign in a dream

Sign in the parliament buildings

Sign in Hell

Sign at a prison

Sign in a movie theater

Sign in Heaven

 Sign at the end of a blog

FIVE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2013

1 - Spend less time with family and friends 
     My work and watching television are more important than spending time with family and friends.  Spending less time with them will allow me to get more work done.  Watching more television will move me closer to my goal of having that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.

2 - Start smoking
     I have always enjoyed sticking my head over a chimney stack and inhaling smoke.  This is often difficult, and shows a lack of self-control.  By smoking, I am able to easily get the same effect while practising moderation.

3 - Start drinking
     I am tired of taking responsibility for my actions.  If I drink, then I can blame my actions on the alcohol.

4 - Gain weight
     My clothes have fit me far too long.  It's time for a new wardrobe.  By gaining weight I can justify buying new clothes.

5 - Enjoy life less
     Look at all the suffering going on in the world.  Why should I enjoy my life when others are unable to?  I will strive to be more miserable to be in harmony with the rest of the world.

  

"Excuse me? Would you mind smoking inside?"

SIGNS WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE . . .

SMOKING

LOITERING

PLEASE WALK ON THE GRASS

BEWARE OF NOTHING

NO DANGEROUS CHEMICALS

NO SPEED LIMIT

NO BUMPS  POTHOLES OR UNEVEN PAVEMENT ON ROAD AHEAD

ROAD DRY WHEN NOT WET

CONSTRUCTION ZONE -  HARD HATS REQUIRED  ( IF YOU FEEL LIKE WEARING ONE)

PARKING ANY TIME

DON'T BUY ONE AND GET ONE FREE!

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