VISUAL DISTRACTIONS

This sign is at the Wilson Subway Station, in Toronto, in an area being renovated.  It should be near the parliament buildings, at Queen's Park, where the Ontario government shits-er-uh-I mean sits.



Signs that exist only in this blog:

 

 

IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS . . .

A million dollars . . . Do you know how much that translates to dollars and cents?  (It's 100 million cents, but I don't know whether any of them are common.)

If I had a million dollars . . .

- I would buy a giant petri dish as a second home for the Great Amoeba, Architect of the Universe.

- I would start a school for silent letters so they could learn how to make noise.

- I would adopt a Sistah for the Buddha.

- I would donate thousands and thousands of dollars to the poor, starving corporations and oil companies.

- I would give failure a make over so people aren't afraid of it.

- I would buy bullshit for the government so it would never run out.

- I would make overday bags so overnight bags would have companions.

- I would Just Do It having no idea what It is.

- I would buy extension cords for all the lonely sockets out there.

And finally I would buy some real estate on the Moon, and build a crater to have a large write off at tax time.

SOME THOUGHTS ON PROFANITY

WARNING:  The following blog contains fucking words that some may find offensive.  Reader discretion is advised.  (Whatever that means.)


"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Whenever someone tells me to shut the fuck up, I can never find the fuck because I don't know what the fuck looks like.  Suppose I knew what the fuck looks like and found it, are there instructions on how to shut the fuck up?


"WHAT THE FUCK?"

A lot of people say this because they, too, don't know what the fuck looks like.


"SUCK MY DICK!"

I heard a guy say this to his girlfriend.  They were having a volcanic argument.  I thought, "Hey fella, she is furious with you.  Do you really want her to do that since her mouth has teeth?"


"THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT!"

What does the speaker's diet consist of that he or she knows something tastes like shit?


"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!"

Why would anyone announce that he or she is constipated?


"KISS MY ASS!"

Is the speaker really going to bare his or her ass so this can be done?


"FUCK OFF!"

There's that F-word again.  Does fuck off mean that the speaker is cancelling an appointment for sex? 


"EAT SHIT!"

 I have been told to eat shit.  "Why would I do that when there is plenty of food available?" I ask.  Then whoever told me to eat shit tells me to "Fuck off!"  How confusing!  I never knew the fuck was ever on.


"BULLSHIT!"

 I hope bulls never charge for the use of their caca.  I and many people would always be in debt.

A FEW WORDS FROM POIN DEXTER POON . . .

"Hello, my name is Poin Dexter Poon.  I am the spokescricket for the National Association for the Advancement of Cricket Caca (NAACC).  

"For too long bulls have hogged nonsense with their shit.  Bullshit has been around longer than talking crickets.  It is time for a change, or at least some equality.

"We want to replace bullshit with cricketshit.  We will be petitioning the International Supreme Court of Nonsense to have this done.  If the Court does not rule to replace bullshit with cricketshit, then we hope the Court will give cricketshit equal status to bullshit.

We hope that soon you will start hearing,
'Cricketshit!'
'That's a crock of cricketcaca!'
'Cut the cricketcrap!' 
as part of your everyday language.  Thank you"

POLICE SAID . . .

The body of a man was found in his home in downtown Toronto.  The man's body had multiple gunshot and stab wounds, and the man's hands were tied behind his back.  Police said that they suspect foul play.


There were only minor injuries and no deaths in a fifty-car pileup on Highway 400.  No charges have been laid, but police are still investigating.  Police said that speed and the laws of physics were factors in the accident.


After months of an intensive undercover investigation, police seized ten tons of bullshit from the Canadian government buildings.  A number of politicians -- too many to mention -- have been charged with possession of bullshit for the purpose of trafficking.  Police called the investigation "Operation Crap Talk."  Police said that this was the biggest bust of bullshit in the history of law enforcement.


An armoured truck lost its load scattering millions of bills, various denominations, all over the street.  Apparently the back door of the truck was not properly secured.  A spokesperson for the armoured-truck company would not say how much money was lost, but an unnamed source said that the amount was over a million dollars.  Police said that anyone finding money should call police and turn it in.


 Police said, "We arrived on the scene of this blog at 16:36 hours, or 4:36 pm, on Sunday March 23, 2014.  We observed many letters forming words which subsequently formed sentences.  We also observed spaces between the words and sentences.  No charges have been laid at this time, but we are still investigating.  We will release further information when it comes available.  Thank you."