IT'S ABOUT A JOB . . .

"I used to be a horseshoe for a large horse," said the toilet seat.  "Then I went to university and earned a PhD in Waste Management.  Now I work as the Senior Toilet Seat in a washroom at the University of Toronto."

*

"I make my money from writing," said  A. Can.  "I recently finished a book titled, How To Collect Garbage."

 *

"When I grow up," said the little girl, "I would like to work as a secret for the CIA."

*

"One day I will have the Moon's job," said the asteroid.  "I would get paid to run around the Earth every month, and cause nutty things to happen when I am full.  What fun, and what a way to stay in shape!"

*

"I would like to be the number 3.  I like to have people counting on me."

*

"How much education do you need to get work as a bathtub?"

*

"I once worked as a bomb, and then BOOM my job was gone."

*

"Has fire, working at any job, ever been fired?"

*

"I stopped working as a genius once I got a television."

*

"What education does one need to work as an accident?  A Master's Degree in Chance?"

*

"If you never want to be out of work," said the job counselor, "then get a job as a war."

*

"If I wasn't a funny bone technician," said Gary, "then I would work as a gaudy tie."

OVERUSED WORDS WITH SOME QUESTIONS

Before I was born, was I an accident waiting to happen?


How can Canada ever expect to have a strong dollar when it is called a loonie?

Has anyone ever been injured while performing the acid test?


Are people overweight, or are their bodies simply generous with their flesh?


Oh no!  The apple of my eye has a worm in it, and the worm wants to be a pupil.


Has anyone ever seen the blind leading the blind?


Does the elephant in the room ever forget why it is there?


Is it safe to say, condoms? 


Am I at my wit's end?  If so, will my wit have me arrested?

POLICE SAID . . .

The body of a man was found in his home in downtown Toronto.  The man's body had multiple gunshot and stab wounds, and the man's hands were tied behind his back.  Police said that they suspect foul play.


There were only minor injuries and no deaths in a fifty-car pileup on Highway 400.  No charges have been laid, but police are still investigating.  Police said that speed and the laws of physics were factors in the accident.


After months of an intensive undercover investigation, police seized ten tons of bullshit from the Canadian government buildings.  A number of politicians -- too many to mention -- have been charged with possession of bullshit for the purpose of trafficking.  Police called the investigation "Operation Crap Talk."  Police said that this was the biggest bust of bullshit in the history of law enforcement.


An armoured truck lost its load scattering millions of bills, various denominations, all over the street.  Apparently the back door of the truck was not properly secured.  A spokesperson for the armoured-truck company would not say how much money was lost, but an unnamed source said that the amount was over a million dollars.  Police said that anyone finding money should call police and turn it in.


 Police said, "We arrived on the scene of this blog at 16:36 hours, or 4:36 pm, on Sunday March 23, 2014.  We observed many letters forming words which subsequently formed sentences.  We also observed spaces between the words and sentences.  No charges have been laid at this time, but we are still investigating.  We will release further information when it comes available.  Thank you."

IN CASE OF . . .