Buddha walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And Buddha said, "I am Here and it is Now. That is enough."
Santa has a problem. How does he gift-wrap holes for the worms and buttons on his list?
Will the word "discontinued" ever be discontinued?
I am constipated. For Christmas, I hope Santa gives me an enema.
My psychiatrist keeps telling me that the voices in my head are not real. But he had no problem accepting the Christmas gift they bought for him. And what did the voices in my head buy my psychiatrist? A box of mixed nuts.
Is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer an alcoholic?
(Worth Repeating)
The aliens messed with my memory. They gave me an anal probe and now I can't remember shit!
"Here and Now is fine," said the bartender, "but you are Buddha and for you the drinks are on the house."
"Which house?" asked Buddha.
The bartender told him which house. Buddha left the bar, located the house, climbed up to the roof and had a few drinks.
After several drinks, Buddha stood up on the roof and shouted,
"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. But your life will be shortened if you light candles with the gas on.
"Work out your own salvation, and keep the paperwork for tax purposes.
"The universe itself is change and life itself is but what you make it. And you will be better off if you have lots of money."
The police arrested Buddha for Causing a Disturbance. While in jail, Buddha's cellmate was a big black guy named Bubba. Bubba was doing time for Unarmed Robbery. Buddha became Bubba's bitch. They plan to marry once they are released.
