Questions About God II

Which washroom does God use, men's or women's?

Did God get a flu shot?

Does God believe in reincarnation?

Has God ever seen a flying saucer?

What religion is God?

What did God do before there was religion?

How much money does God have in the Vatican Bank?

Does God have a cell phone?  

Does God always tell the truth?

Is God afraid of heights?

What kind of car does God drive?

How come we never hear about God's family?

What are God's plans after the world ends?

I AM GRATEFUL

I am grateful for my shoes.  If it wasn't for my shoes, then I wouldn't have a sole.



I am grateful for mountains.  If it wasn't for mountains, then we wouldn't have molehills.



I am grateful for my bicycle.  If it wasn't for my bicycle, then there would be less dust in my storage unit.



I am grateful for children.  If it wasn't for children, then I would have no mentors.



I am grateful for ceremony.  If it wasn't for ceremony, then I wouldn't have a cerebank account.



I am grateful for birds.  If it wasn't for birds, then people would never wash their cars.



I am grateful for roads.  If it wasn't for roads, then we would have a buildup on one side of chickens.



I am grateful for religion.  If it wasn't for religion, then we wouldn't have hatred and wars. 



I am grateful for cats.  If it wasn't for cats then we would have less pictures on Facebook. 



I am grateful for grateful.  If it wasn't for grateful, then I couldn't be grateful.

ON DEATH

Does Death have a degree in philosophy?  What about religion?  Which religion is Death?



Death walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Oh no!"
"Don't worry," says Death, "I'm not here for you."
"Then why are you here?" asks the bartender.
"A drink.  I came in here for a drink."
"What would you like?  Whatever you want is on the house."
"Why thank you," says Death.  "I'll have a-"
But the joke suddenly died.  That's okay.  It wasn't funny anyway.

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?

"Death."

"Death who?"

"That's an odd way to sneeze."

Does Death ever get tired of being punishment?

"How many deaths does it take it take to change a light bulb?"

"I don't know.  How many?"

"342."

"Why so many?"

"Don't know.  Everyone is afraid to ask."

"What is Death's favorite color?"

"I don't know.  What is Death's favorite color?"

"Bleak."

"Why did Death cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why did Death cross the road?"

"To get to The End."

WHAT DID JESUS GET HIS FATHER FOR FATHER'S DAY?

What did Jesus get his father for Father's Day?  Ties?  Probably not.  His father only wears a long white robe and has no need for ties.  

Since there is nothing mentioned in The Bible about what Jesus bought his father, for Father's Day, we can only guess:


- A Calvin Klein robe to replace the robe his father has worn for centuries?

- Another religion?  Perhaps one that everyone can believe in?

- A pollution-free planet?

- An honest politician no government wants or can use?

- A coffee mug that reads: Greatest Dad In The
Universe? 

- A gPhone, instead of an iPhone, with the g standing for God?

- A Superdad T shirt?

Perhaps Jesus did not buy anything for his father, for Father's Day, because his father does not exist.  If Jesus' father does not exist, then there's a good chance that Jesus does not exist.  If Jesus does not exist, then we know what he bought his father for Father's Day.

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS . . .

What do you get when you cross . . . 

- A turtle with a house?
  A turtle with a huge shell, or a house that crawls.

- Donald Trump with Barack Obama?
  A confused presidential candidate.

- A street with your legs?
  The other side.

- A table with a chair?
   A spider.  (Salvador Dali told me this joke.  I don't get it.  Do you?)

- Climate change with money?
   Weather in your wallet.  

- A cross a cross with a question mark?
   A religion called Why?

-  A depressed bear with an ecstatic bear?
   A bipolar bear. 

- Null and void?

 

THE WISE THINGS PEOPLE SAY . . .

"When you're involved romantically, then emotions always come             into play."
                                    - John J. Giddy


"It's always wet when it rains."
                                  - Frank W. Furbang


"Nothing is impossible to someone with money, and magic powers."
                                   - Sarah Semmeloff


"If I told you the secret of success, then it would no longer be a            secret.
                                   - Aaron Whizzlebaum


"You will lose weight, and never get angry again if you cut your                head off.
                                   - Agnes Anne Kuperwit


What is it about God that attracts all those religious people?
                                   - Michael Rowtheboatashore

  

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is blind?  How did it go blind?  Improper diet?   Macular degeneration?  Masturbation?

God is Love, but you would never know it looking at organized religion.

  

You know you're in love when you don't mind your lover barfing on you.

 
True love?  How can it be anything else?  If love isn't true, then it isn't love. 

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have set the time on a melting clock.    
                                                 - Salvador Dali 

SOLVING SOCIETY'S PROBLEMS

People from various religious, spiritual and political ideologies have the solutions to all of society's problems.  Listen to people from any of these groups and they will tell you how to solve every problem that faces society.

Everyone has a solution.  So, why do we still have problems?  The religious, spiritual and political solutions seem to work in theory.   They don't work when put into practice.   Are human beings, who practise these solutions, the problem?

Perhaps getting rid of human beings would solve all of society's problems?