Six Reasons Why It Stopped Raining in Toronto

Something must be wrong.  It's not raining in Toronto. The skies are overcast, but no rain. According to our weatherologists, it was supposed to rain until Monday or Tuesday.  Here are six possible reasons why it stopped:

- God is getting old and forgetful.  He started to flood the world a second time, but got distracted.

- The Union of Weather Workers went on strike, and Management is doing its best to keep the weather coming.

- Mother Nature ran out of rain, and the Weather Workers' strike is delaying the delivery of more.

- The clouds are waiting for us to wash our cars.

- A plumber finally fixed the leaking pipes in Heaven.



"Wait a minute.  Your title says six reasons and you only gave five."

Really?  So I did.  Sorry, but some of the rain must have gotten into my brain.

Six Reasons for Several Days of Rain in Toronto

It started raining yesterday, in Toronto, and there is no end predicted for the next several days.  Here are six reasons for the rain:

-  Heaven has leaky pipes, and God lost his cell phone so he can't call a plumber.

- The sky is crying because of all the air pollution.

- The clouds want to lose weight so they can fit into their summer clothing.

- Mother Nature wants to make Earth a little better by washing some people off the planet.

- A giant forgot to turn off the tap in his bathtub.

And the final reason for the rain is because . . . just because. 

DEAR DIARY . . . PART III

NOTE:  Dear Diary . . . Part II  was eaten by a Sasquatch and the diary gave the Sasquatch diarrhea.

Dear Diary . . . 



Today I looked at my floor and wondered whether carpets stop floors from talking.  If they do, then what would floors say if there were no carpets?

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Which is bigger, my mouth or my I.Q.?

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It rained today.  Things got wet.

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Am I crazy?  Yesterday I wondered whether I was crazy.  Will I wonder whether I am crazy

tomorrow?  Will the day come when I stop wondering and know whether I am crazy?

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I'm starting to believe that the Earth is flat.  If not, then where are its boobs?

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It rained again today.  Again things got wet. I'm starting to see a pattern.

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I cut my thumb today.  I cut it while using my wit. It wasn't a very deep cut.

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Instead of the first day, is today the last day of the rest of my life? 

MOTHER NATURE'S MOOD SWINGS?

Hard-to-see snowflakes falling in Mel Lastman Square

Is Mother Nature having mood swings today? First it's cold and cloudy and windy.  Then it rains.  Then it snows.  Then the sun shines.  Then it rains.  Then it snows.  Then it's cold and cloudy and windy.  Then the sun shines.  What is going on?

If Mother Nature is not swinging her moods, then why is the weather so crazy today?

- The weather is taking orders from four different supervisors who say, "I don't care what so-and-so told you to do, I'm telling you to do this!"  So the weather starts to do this, and another supervisor comes along and tells the weather not to do this, but to do that.  And so on.

- The weather is high on air and can't remember what the it is supposed to be on May 15.  It's covering everything just to be sure.

-  The weather is playing with a gambling wheel, and changes to whatever comes up after each spin.

- The weather is suffering from north-south polar disorder.

Perhaps the weather is not crazy.  Perhaps the weather is normal.  Perhaps we're crazy for expecting the weather to be consistent for one day.

RAIN WARNING FOR TORONTO AND SOUTHERN ONTARIO . . .

Environment Canada says that we're getting the tail end of Hurricane Patricia.  It will bring us 2 inches (55 mm) of rain within 24 hours.  Is this appropriate?  If Patricia is going to give us a piece of tail, then we should get at least 6 inches (152 mm) of rain if not more.

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BREAKING NEWS FROM THE BIBLE:

NOAH LEAVES WIFE FOR RAINSTORM!

Anonymous animal sources report that Noah has left his wife, of 800 years, for a rainstorm.  He met this rainstorm during the flood.   Naamah, Noah's wife, could not reached.   Noah's only comment to the press was, "I had to leave.  My marriage was all washed up."

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Q:  Why did the rain cross the road?

A:  To make the chicken wet.

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Q:  How may rainstorms does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  It doesn't matter.  The storm knocked the power out.

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Q:  What song terrifies a rainstorm?

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Q:  Do rainstorms ever take showers?

A:  No, they leave them.

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Q:  What is a great gift for a rainstorm?

A:  A raincoat.

***

THE WISE THINGS PEOPLE SAY . . .

"When you're involved romantically, then emotions always come             into play."
                                    - John J. Giddy


"It's always wet when it rains."
                                  - Frank W. Furbang


"Nothing is impossible to someone with money, and magic powers."
                                   - Sarah Semmeloff


"If I told you the secret of success, then it would no longer be a            secret.
                                   - Aaron Whizzlebaum


"You will lose weight, and never get angry again if you cut your                head off.
                                   - Agnes Anne Kuperwit


What is it about God that attracts all those religious people?
                                   - Michael Rowtheboatashore

  

UNCENSORED NURSERY RHYMES!

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
And her poor dog suffered a nervous breakdown
And Old Mother Hubbard was charged with having sex with an underage dog, and cruelty to animals


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
People would ask, "Who is the father?  Do you know?"


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
(What happened next is none of your business)  


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't care less


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
(What happened next is none of your business)


 Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane. 

You do?  Well he's a pervert!


Rain rain go away
Come again another day 
Rain rain go away 
It's The End