Some Thoughts On Mother Nature

Were cave dwellers Mother Nature's first gynecologists?

Mother Nature produces Reincarnation Milk.  It's evaporated milk that keeps coming back.

You can only play your Akashic Records on Mother Nature's turntable.

It is not Climate Change.  It is Mother Nature's menopausal mood swings.

Mother Nature was engaged to Garbage Dump, but she broke it off.  She did not want toxic kids.

Hotels do not like renting rooms to Mother Nature.  Too many bugs.

"How does Mother Nature deal with her yeast   infections?"

"How?"

"She doesn't."

"At one time Mother Nature created flowers that looked like hammers, but she stopped."

"Why?"

"Too many bees were getting banged."

"Mother Nature tried, but could not get home insurance."

"Why not?"

"A leaky roof, and too many exotic pets."

Mother Nature walked into a bar and the bartender  said, "What will it be?"

Mother Nature said, "A glass of unpolluted water,   please."

"Sorry," said the bartender, "but we don't have that anymore.  Try a bar on another planet."

"Okay thanks," said Mother Nature as she walked out and crossed the road to ask the chickens which planets to check.

Headlines

MOTHER NATURE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP CONVERTS TO ISLAM AND BANS HIMSELF FROM U.S.

HOLLYWOOD ACTORS FIGHT AMONGST THEMSELVES STARTING NEW STAR WARS

DERMATOLOGIST SKINNED ALIVE BY SAVAGES

GALLON OF GAS WORTH MORE THAN OUNCE OF GOLD

BEAR CHARGED WITH HUNTING WITHOUT A LICENCE

STANLEY KUBRICK NEVER EXISTED AND WAS FAKED BY MOON

SEAT BELT SAVES STOCK MARKET IN CRASH

NUCLEAR BOMB EXPLODES IN APATHY LAND AND NO ONE CARES

FUNNY BONE TECHNICIAN STOPS BLOG TO PUT OUT MOTHER NATURE'S HOT FLASHES

IT'S ABOUT TIME

On Sunday November 6, 2016a.m., at 2:00 a.m., we set our clocks back one hour going from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time.  Did anyone tell Mother Nature so she can adjust her clocks?



"Spring forward.  Fall back."
"What about Summer and Winter?"
"They're watching Spring and Fall doing gymnastics."

  

"Daddy," said the child clock, "how long before we get to Standard Time?"

And the daddy clock replied, "It will take us about an hour." 

"Hey Clock, how come it didn't take you long to read War and Peace?" 

And Clock replied, "Oh, I have lots of time on my hands."

A mother sees her child rubbing a watch on his scraped knee.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"I'm making my booboo better," says the child.  "I heard that time heals all wounds."

If time flies, then how come it has never crashed into airplanes?

"I promise to love you until the end of time.  After that I'm gonna find someone else."

MOTHER NATURE'S MOOD SWINGS?

Hard-to-see snowflakes falling in Mel Lastman Square

Is Mother Nature having mood swings today? First it's cold and cloudy and windy.  Then it rains.  Then it snows.  Then the sun shines.  Then it rains.  Then it snows.  Then it's cold and cloudy and windy.  Then the sun shines.  What is going on?

If Mother Nature is not swinging her moods, then why is the weather so crazy today?

- The weather is taking orders from four different supervisors who say, "I don't care what so-and-so told you to do, I'm telling you to do this!"  So the weather starts to do this, and another supervisor comes along and tells the weather not to do this, but to do that.  And so on.

- The weather is high on air and can't remember what the it is supposed to be on May 15.  It's covering everything just to be sure.

-  The weather is playing with a gambling wheel, and changes to whatever comes up after each spin.

- The weather is suffering from north-south polar disorder.

Perhaps the weather is not crazy.  Perhaps the weather is normal.  Perhaps we're crazy for expecting the weather to be consistent for one day.

QUESTIONS YOU WON'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE

Does the Law of Gravity cause fallen angels?


Will people still want to get married after the world ends?


There are ghost writers.  How come we never see ghost plumbers?


Do imaginary friends get real or imaginary illnesses?


Why am I afraid to ask questions about fear?


Were there more than four seasons before Mother Nature laid off some weather workers?


Do punk rock bands ever get stoned?


Is it possible for my money to be broke?


Will May First takeover when April Thirtieth leaves?


Would I be writing blogs if I was the Mayor of Canada?