SOME STORY IDEAS

A Martian named Mertz comes to Earth to study the planet and its inhabitants.  Mertz abandons his research when he falls in love with a street lamp.  Mertz and the street lamp elope.  Soon a search party from Mars arrives to look for Mertz, but Mertz  does not want to be found.  He is living happily ever after with the street lamp.  The search party has many adventures in the search for Mertz as does Mertz and the street lamp in trying not to be found.

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A Biblical story - God is charged with adultery for impregnating Mary while she is still married to Joseph.  Joseph divorces Mary and moves to India to become a Buddhist.  Mary, now alone with God's child, takes God to court to get child support.  

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A shoe discovers its sole is broken.  The shoe has many adventures trying to find a metaphysician to mend its sole.  One of the shoe's adventures involves sharing a taxi with a Martian and a street lamp.

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A gary writes a blog about ideas for stories, but he has no idea how to end this blog.  His blog just goes on and on and on and on.  Soon word spreads about the gary's never-ending blog.  People from around the world start paying to see the gary writing his never-ending blog.  The gary becomes rich, and builds a rocket.  He travels to Mars to study the planet and its inhabitants . . .

NURSERY RHYME QUESTIONS

How old is Old MacDonald who has a farm?  Does anyone know?  Is he any relation to the people who own the restaurant?   What about the animals on Old MacDonald's farm?  Did they ever do more that just go around making their noises?  Did any of them ever leave the farm to get an education?


Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow? Did Mary own this little lamb before smog and other pollution?    Perhaps the little lamb's fleece was as white as polluted snow.
Did Mary and her little lamb go everywhere together?  Wouldn't people start to talk?


The wheels on the bus go round and round?  I should damn well think so!  What kind of wheels would they be if they did not round and round?


Why wouldn't Little Miss Muffett get a lawyer and sue the spider for pain and suffering?


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall?  Why would he do that?  Didn't he have a job to go to?  Was it his wall, or was he trespassing?    Is it true that Humpty Dumpty is currently seeing a psychiatrist for multiple personality disorder?

THE DAY BEFORE EASTER

Twas the day before Easter and all through the tomb
Not a creature was stirring in that cold dark room.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
The above line is not supposed to be there.

Jesus was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of wooden crosses danced in his head.
Mary in her 'kerchief, and Joseph in his cap
Were wishing and hoping their son would come back.

  

 

Once again, this was Good for me.  Was it Good for you?

A LETTER TO GOD

                                                       

                                                                               TODAY
 Dear God,
      You have done a wonderful job creating everything, but there are few things that I find disturbing.  I hope you won't mind me mentioning them.

 1 -  What were you thinking when you created bed bugs, lice and fleas? 


2 -  If men have to lose their hair, then why not let it fall out from their groins instead of their heads?  Did you choose men's heads because you worried about crotch comb-overs?  

3 -  Weren't you being a little drastic by drowning nearly all of your children because they misbehaved?  

4 -  Wasn't it adultery when you got Mary pregnant while she was still married to Joseph?

I know, I am pushing my luck.   I won't be surprised if a lightening bolt strikes me, and I have to spend eternity with Rob Ford.  After all, you are God and can do whatever you want.  But you gave us brains.  Are we not allowed to think and ask questions?
 

                                                                            Sincerely,
                                                                             Mud*


*My new name now that you have read my letter. 

UNCENSORED NURSERY RHYMES!

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
And her poor dog suffered a nervous breakdown
And Old Mother Hubbard was charged with having sex with an underage dog, and cruelty to animals


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
People would ask, "Who is the father?  Do you know?"


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
(What happened next is none of your business)  


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't care less


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
(What happened next is none of your business)


 Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?

Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane. 

You do?  Well he's a pervert!


Rain rain go away
Come again another day 
Rain rain go away 
It's The End