Not All About Bed Bugs

A bed bug walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"

And the bed bug said, "I'll have a Bloody Mary, please."

"Sorry," said the bartender, "but we are out of Mary's."

"Then bring me a Bloody Joseph."

"Okay," said the bartender.

"How many bed bugs does it take to change a light bulb?"

"How many?"

"Just one, but first it has to increase its size and grow hands."

"But I thought bed bugs like dark places."

"They do."

"So why would a bed bug change a light bulb?"

"Just to be part of this joke."

"What's the difference between bed bugs and food?"

"I dunno."

"Well, I won't be asking you to buy groceries."

"Why did the bed bug cross the road?"

"To get groceries?"

"No, to get to the hotel on the other side."

"Why aren't bed bugs overweight?"

"I dunno."

"Because they can go a year without eating."

Is there such a thing as a vampire bed bug?

The bed bug finished its Bloody Joesph and was about to leave when the bartender asked, "So, what brings you to Toronto?"

And the bed bug said, "It's the bed bug capital of Canada.  Bed bugs from around the world come to Toronto to have bloody fun.  And the hotels in Toronto give bed bugs group discount rates."

"I see," said the bartender. "Well then, Happy Biting."  

https://torontosun.com/news/local-news/toronto-tops-in-canada-for-bed-bugs-new-list-says

A LETTER TO GOD

                                                       

                                                                               TODAY
 Dear God,
      You have done a wonderful job creating everything, but there are few things that I find disturbing.  I hope you won't mind me mentioning them.

 1 -  What were you thinking when you created bed bugs, lice and fleas? 


2 -  If men have to lose their hair, then why not let it fall out from their groins instead of their heads?  Did you choose men's heads because you worried about crotch comb-overs?  

3 -  Weren't you being a little drastic by drowning nearly all of your children because they misbehaved?  

4 -  Wasn't it adultery when you got Mary pregnant while she was still married to Joseph?

I know, I am pushing my luck.   I won't be surprised if a lightening bolt strikes me, and I have to spend eternity with Rob Ford.  After all, you are God and can do whatever you want.  But you gave us brains.  Are we not allowed to think and ask questions?
 

                                                                            Sincerely,
                                                                             Mud*


*My new name now that you have read my letter.