A bed bug walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the bed bug said, "I'll have a Bloody Mary, please."
"Sorry," said the bartender, "but we are out of Mary's."
"Then bring me a Bloody Joseph."
"Okay," said the bartender.
"How many bed bugs does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Just one, but first it has to increase its size and grow hands."
"But I thought bed bugs like dark places."
"They do."
"So why would a bed bug change a light bulb?"
"Just to be part of this joke."
"What's the difference between bed bugs and food?"
"I dunno."
"Well, I won't be asking you to buy groceries."
"Why did the bed bug cross the road?"
"To get groceries?"
"No, to get to the hotel on the other side."
"Why aren't bed bugs overweight?"
"I dunno."
"Because they can go a year without eating."
Is there such a thing as a vampire bed bug?
The bed bug finished its Bloody Joesph and was about to leave when the bartender asked, "So, what brings you to Toronto?"
And the bed bug said, "It's the bed bug capital of Canada. Bed bugs from around the world come to Toronto to have bloody fun. And the hotels in Toronto give bed bugs group discount rates."
"I see," said the bartender. "Well then, Happy Biting."
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