WHAT DID JESUS GET HIS FATHER FOR FATHER'S DAY?

What did Jesus get his father for Father's Day?  Ties?  Probably not.  His father only wears a long white robe and has no need for ties.  

Since there is nothing mentioned in The Bible about what Jesus bought his father, for Father's Day, we can only guess:


- A Calvin Klein robe to replace the robe his father has worn for centuries?

- Another religion?  Perhaps one that everyone can believe in?

- A pollution-free planet?

- An honest politician no government wants or can use?

- A coffee mug that reads: Greatest Dad In The
Universe? 

- A gPhone, instead of an iPhone, with the g standing for God?

- A Superdad T shirt?

Perhaps Jesus did not buy anything for his father, for Father's Day, because his father does not exist.  If Jesus' father does not exist, then there's a good chance that Jesus does not exist.  If Jesus does not exist, then we know what he bought his father for Father's Day.

STUDIES THAT NEVER HAPPENED (Perhaps They Did, But Not In This Dimension)

Study finds that junk food strengthens your cast-iron stomach.

Studies show that seniors are older than most people.

A study proved, beyond all doubt, that over-cooking food may cause it to burn.

Studies show that sex is only heavy breathing combined with pelvic thrusts and the exchange of gooey bodily fluids.

A study showed that people are likely to bump into things if they walk around with their eyes closed.

(What people may see when their eyes are closed.)

 

A study showed that people who volunteer for studies are called volunteers.

Studies show that monkeys do not believe in evolution.  (It is hard to tell what monkeys believe because they do not say much.)

Studies found that most garbage smells.

A study, paid for by Calvin Klein, found that T Shirts do not come from the alphabet.   

A study, conducted by The Riddletee Research Group, found that playing on the Internet may lead to silly blogs. 

AN ARGUMENT WITH A GARBAGE CAN

Imagine having an argument with a garbage can?   It took place on the westbound platform of the Bathurst Street Subway station in Toronto just the other day.

The gentleman--and I use the word "gentleman" loosely--screamed and kicked at a can on the subway platform.  He looked about 25 years old.  His clothes were designed by Calvin Pig and Yves St. La Moth.  Obviously the gentleman's barber had died sometime during the 19th century.  I could not tell how old the garbage can was, but I suspect it was a little younger than the gentleman.

Reality would not allow me to hear what the garbage can was saying.  Whatever it was, the garbage can kept interrupting the gentleman.  His words were hard to understand, but several times he told the garbage can, "Shut the fuck up!  Shut the fuck up!  Don't interrupt me!  Shut the fuck up!"  And then he would kick it some more while shouting.

The arrival of the westbound subway train brought the argument to an end.  The garbage can looked relieved.  

"I don't want anymore fuckin' nonsense from you!  Ya hear?" the gentleman said.  And he kicked the garbage can one final time before boarding the train.