TERRORISM OR HATE CRIME?

NEWS REPORTER: . . . Law enforcement officials are still trying to determine whether the murders in Orlando, Florida were an act of terrorism, or a hate crime . . . 


Uh?  Does it matter?  Are not all forms of violence madness?  Aren't people who resort to violence insane?  Is there a difference between terrorism and hate crimes?



LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL:  Mr. Smith, we've determined that it was a hate crime that killed your son, and not an act of terrorism.

MR.SMITH:  Oh thank God!  I'm so relieved.  And I'm sure my son feels better knowing that he was murdered by a hateful criminal, and not killed by a terrorist.

 

FUN WITH TERRORISM

A terrorist walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

"I'll have a hostage, please," says the terrorist.

"I'm sorry," says the bartender, "but we don't serve hostages here.  Can I get you something else?"

"Okay," says the terrorist, "I'll have an Irish Car Bomb."

***

"Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"Because they were chickens."

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"ISIS"

"ISIS who?"

"ISIS that you open the door so we can talk face to face."

***

"How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Seventy-two?"

"No, 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists."

"I don't know.  How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Two.  One to change the bulb, and the other to blow the bulb up."

"I don't get it.  Why would they bother to change the bulb and then blow up the new one?"

"Did I mention that 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists?"

***

COURSES FOR TERRORISTS:

- Revenge 101

- Making Demands That Will Be Met

- Surviving Your Suicide Bombing

***

DEFINITION OF TERRORISM*

noun: terrorism

1. the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.

   *Merriam-Webster Dictionary

     

 The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims?  Hmm . . . Sounds like something that governments do.

THREE UNLIKELY . . .

JUSTICE MINISTER PETER MACKAY QUITS GOVERNMENT TO JOIN ISIS 

Canadian Justice Minister Peter Mackay announced that he is quitting his cabinet post to join ISIS.  MacKay claims he was radicalized under Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  MacKay said that he will fight terrorism by joining ISIS.

BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON MAKE LOVE

For the first time in centuries former president Bill Clinton and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton had sex.  Both said that it was like a new experience.  When asked whether they would make love again Hillary said, "Not for a long time.  I would not want to get pregnant since the job of president does not offer maternity leave."

SON OF GOD RETURNS

 Jesus, the Son of God, returned today much to the surprise of many Christians.  But before they could celebrate Jesus said, "Don't get happy.  I'm not staying.  I only returned to get my wallet with my driver's licence.  I forgot it when I left two thousand years ago, and I don't want to the police to give me a ticket." 

WHAT IF NEWS

What if Rob Ford and John Tory are secret lovers?  What if, during sex, John Tory beats Rob Ford while Jian Ghomeshi 
watches?  


What if Ebola is not a virus, but something used to eat Esoupa?


What if poor toilet training is the real reason people turn into terrorists?


What if computer hackers used hatchets?


What if the World Series had a baseball team from every country on Earth?  Would the playoffs take Eternity?


What if smart bombs made people smarter instead of killing them?  Would leaders of countries ask other leaders,
"Would you bomb us, please?"


What if climate change was hot and cold coins you carried in your pocket?  Would the homeless would say, "Can you spare some climate change?  I wanna buy some pure water."?


What if once news was not new, it was called olds?


What if this is The End?

What if something, like this sentence, comes after The End?

THE POWERFUL WORDS OF JOHN BAIRD

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird condemned the Islamist group Boko Haram for kidnapping hundreds of Nigerian school girls.

"I think I speak for all members of the House that strongly stand up and condemn actions by Boko Haram," Baird said in the House of Commons Tuesday. "Quite simply, their actions are repugnant. Our hearts go out to these young girls and to their families."  Baird called Boko Haram's actions "despicable" and said the abductions "only serve to strengthen our collective desire to fight international terrorism."

Wow!  Such powerful words.  Can you hear Boko Haram's leader?

"Gosh, guys, John Baird didn't say some very nice things about us the other day.  Perhaps we better change our ways and return the girls.
"We could try rock music.  We have a great name for a rock group, and John Baird likes rock music."

Source:  The Toronto Sun