The Possible Secrets Donald Trump Told Russia

"Psst!  Hey Russia . . . "

"Hillary and Barack are lesbian lovers."


"I'm bald.  I wear a big blond rat hat."


"I am broke, but I have a great credit rating."


"The media loves me, but has an odd way of showing it."


"Melania makes me sit down to pee."


"I'm a Muslim.  Shhhhh."


"I turned away ugly aliens for the Miss Universe Pageant."


"I got aroused when I saw pictures of  Vlad with no shirt on." 


"I'll tell you my Foreign Policy if you tell me yours."

FUN WITH TERRORISM

A terrorist walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

"I'll have a hostage, please," says the terrorist.

"I'm sorry," says the bartender, "but we don't serve hostages here.  Can I get you something else?"

"Okay," says the terrorist, "I'll have an Irish Car Bomb."

***

"Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"Because they were chickens."

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"ISIS"

"ISIS who?"

"ISIS that you open the door so we can talk face to face."

***

"How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Seventy-two?"

"No, 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists."

"I don't know.  How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Two.  One to change the bulb, and the other to blow the bulb up."

"I don't get it.  Why would they bother to change the bulb and then blow up the new one?"

"Did I mention that 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists?"

***

COURSES FOR TERRORISTS:

- Revenge 101

- Making Demands That Will Be Met

- Surviving Your Suicide Bombing

***

DEFINITION OF TERRORISM*

noun: terrorism

1. the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.

   *Merriam-Webster Dictionary

     

 The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims?  Hmm . . . Sounds like something that governments do.

THREE UNLIKELY . . .

JUSTICE MINISTER PETER MACKAY QUITS GOVERNMENT TO JOIN ISIS 

Canadian Justice Minister Peter Mackay announced that he is quitting his cabinet post to join ISIS.  MacKay claims he was radicalized under Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  MacKay said that he will fight terrorism by joining ISIS.

BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON MAKE LOVE

For the first time in centuries former president Bill Clinton and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton had sex.  Both said that it was like a new experience.  When asked whether they would make love again Hillary said, "Not for a long time.  I would not want to get pregnant since the job of president does not offer maternity leave."

SON OF GOD RETURNS

 Jesus, the Son of God, returned today much to the surprise of many Christians.  But before they could celebrate Jesus said, "Don't get happy.  I'm not staying.  I only returned to get my wallet with my driver's licence.  I forgot it when I left two thousand years ago, and I don't want to the police to give me a ticket."