THREE QUICKIES

FUN WITH TERRORISM

A terrorist walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What will it be?"

"I'll have a hostage, please," says the terrorist.

"I'm sorry," says the bartender, "but we don't serve hostages here.  Can I get you something else?"

"Okay," says the terrorist, "I'll have an Irish Car Bomb."

***

"Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"I don't know.  Why did the terrorists cross the road?"

"Because they were chickens."

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"ISIS"

"ISIS who?"

"ISIS that you open the door so we can talk face to face."

***

"How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Seventy-two?"

"No, 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists."

"I don't know.  How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Two.  One to change the bulb, and the other to blow the bulb up."

"I don't get it.  Why would they bother to change the bulb and then blow up the new one?"

"Did I mention that 72 is the average I.Q. for terrorists?"

***

COURSES FOR TERRORISTS:

- Revenge 101

- Making Demands That Will Be Met

- Surviving Your Suicide Bombing

***

DEFINITION OF TERRORISM*

noun: terrorism

1. the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.

   *Merriam-Webster Dictionary

     

 The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims?  Hmm . . . Sounds like something that governments do.

IMAGINE . . .

TAXES ARE THE ROOT OF ALL HUMOR?

We human beings are an odd bunch.  We love to be patriotic!  We're proud of our countries!  We love to wave our country's flag!  How fantastic when our countries win wars, and sporting events!
And then income tax time comes  . . . 
At tax time, we don't want to have anything to do with our country, or give our country its due.  Not only do we not want to give our country its due, but we want to take from our country.  At tax time, we don't want our country to win.



We talk about "doing our taxes."  Isn't it our taxes that do us?


Death and Taxes walk into a bar.  The bartender takes one look at them and says, "I'm outta here!"
Death and Taxes are about to get up and leave when a waiter comes over and says, "No, don't leave.  We've got to finish this joke.  What will it be?"
Death says, "I'll have a Zombie, please."
The waiter turns to Taxes and asks, "And you?"
Taxes says, "I'll have Everything."
"Everything?" asks the waiter.
"Yes, Everything," says Taxes.  "You might as well give it to me now because I am going to get it eventually."