IF ONLY . . .

If only there was dirt that soften, freshen and
brightened clothes.


If only there were stoves that washed dishes and did other housework.


If only there was chocolate that caused weight loss. 


If only there were cats that had jobs.


If only there was food that cooked itself.


If only there were smiles for cranky stones.


If only there were alarms for poverty-stricken fires.


If only I could find a vita for some min.


If only I could find my mind . . .

WHO SAID WHAT?

"Do you pollinate?" asked the flower.


"I always speak the truth -- except when I lie," said the politician.


"I'll be home for Christmas," said Santa.  "But I may be late."


"I am nothing without you,"  said the lamp to the plug.


"I easily gain weight when I eat couch potatoes," said the cannibal.


"I love getting stuff dirt cheap," said the earthworm.


"You're black!" said the pot to the kettle.


"I am an early version of you," said Failure to Success.


"Am I nuts?"  asked the cashew.
"I don't think so," said the peanut.


"Stop scraping my bottom!" said the barrel.


"Is this The End?" asked The Beginning.
"I hope so," said My Blog.  "The barrel wants us to stop."