Not All About Minds

"Why did the mind cross the road?"
"Why?"
"Because it loved to wander."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Mind."

"Mind who?"

"Mind your own business."

"How many minds does it take to change a light bulb?"
"How many?"
"Let me think about it and I'll get back to you."


"How do you obtain peace of mind?"
"I dunno."
"You chop it up."


A mind walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What will it be?"
And the mind said,"Can you bring me some matter, please?"
"Matter?" asked the bartender.
"Yes," said the mind.  "I want to stand over it."

"Knock.  Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Your mind."

"Thank God!  I thought you'd never return after I lost you."

"Well I am back.  Have you got any brain diapers?"

"Brain diapers?"

"Yes, I came back so you could change me."

"Well?  I'm still waiting to hear how many minds it takes to change a light bulb."

"And I'm still thinking about it."

"Will you have an answer before this blog ends?"

"No."

IF ONLY . . .

If only there was dirt that soften, freshen and
brightened clothes.


If only there were stoves that washed dishes and did other housework.


If only there was chocolate that caused weight loss. 


If only there were cats that had jobs.


If only there was food that cooked itself.


If only there were smiles for cranky stones.


If only there were alarms for poverty-stricken fires.


If only I could find a vita for some min.


If only I could find my mind . . .

THINGS I LEARNED AND DID WITH NO INTERNET

A big bad black dragon breathed fire at the server and prevented my access to the Internet for the past several days.  Here are some things I learned and did with no Internet:

I learned that babies are caused by men peeing into women.

I took a ruler and measured up.

I found my mind.

I learned that I am not lazy.  I am a lightworker.

I learned that cats cannot cook or clean.

I took a long walk along the beach that does not exist near me.  (That is where I found my mind.)

I learned that snow does not last long on a hot stove.

I drank a lot of H with my Two O.

I cried over spilt milk and found no use in that.

I did not win 27 trillion dollars.

I learned that Brian Williams would make a good politician.

And finally, I abducted some aliens for no reason.  I will release them as soon as I finish this blog.

MY MIND

I am not crazy just because I lost my mind.  I am normal for a person with no mind.  

To be honest I did not lose my mind.  My mind left me.  It felt cramped sharing my head with the voices, my thoughts, and some space junk.  (I have no idea how space junk got inside my head.)

             "I'm feeling smothered," my mind said to me.  "I think we should see other spaces."   And with those words my mind left.  

I heard from my mind about a year ago.  It sent me a postcard from Oprah Winfrey's butt.  My mind said that it would be there for only a few days.  How thrilling to think that for a few days Oprah sat on my mind!  My mind went from Oprah's butt to an alternate universe.  I have not heard from it since.

I do not miss my mind.  I seem to be able to get by without it.  The voices in my head miss my mind.  Today they held a minute of silence in memory of my mind.

Perhaps one day my mind will return.  If it does, then I plan to ask it how space junk got inside my head. 

NOW WHAT? RANDOM THOUGHTS?

Now what?  What shall I blog?  My voices are off somewhere regretting the inconvenience they are causing.  I am on my own.  Shall I resort to Random Thoughts?

Why don't ingredient lists include molecules?

Human Behavior . . . The irrational possibilities are endless.

If a thought goes into the forest and there is no mind, does the thought still get thought?


If God is all there is, all there was, and all there ever will be, then how does She keep Her weight down?

AND DON'T FORGET TO FILL OUT THE ONLINE SURVEY . . .

 

 

AND ANOTHER CONVERSATION WITH MY BLOG . . .

Blog:  My Gigabytes!  Where have you been?

Me:    Here, there and everywhere?  I'm not sure.  My mind is on an extended vacation.  It is touring the Universe.  I don't know when it will be back.

Blog:   Can you write without your mind?

Me:     Sure, no problem.  I do so all the time.

Blog:    So,  can I expect regular visits?

Me:      My good friend Alexander Pope said, " Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

CONVERSATION WITH MY BLOG . . .

Blog:  Hey Gary!  It's been awhile.  Where have you been?

Me:    All over the place both in mind and body.  I packed up all my "stuff " and put it in storage.  I am still living out of a suitcase.

Blog:  Where are you now?

Me:   The other side of The Milky Way.  It's nice this time of the year.  I love how the voids change colors.

Blog:  So, you are in a period of transition?

Me:   Yes, I was in one place for twenty years.  Twenty years!  The war between the Quarks and the Leptons forced me to move.  They have stopped fighting, but my place is not matter now.  I cannot move back.   I am looking for another place -- preferably in Reality.  I will live "elsewhere" if I cannot find it.

Blog:  Well, how kind of you to stop by.  You have a good heart.

Me:      Thanks.  My heart is in the right place, but my mind is in a box  . . .  somewhere.