OVERHEARD

"When I grow up," said the little breeze, "I want to be a hurricane and help people move."

***

"I wish more humans appreciated me," said Earth.

***

"I want to measure up in everything I do," said the ruler.

***

"Why can't I put my human on silence?" asks the cell phone.

***

"I like to drink out of that bowl.  I wish my master would stop peeing in it," said the dog.

***

"Oh the stories I could tell!  I should write a book," said the fly on the wall.

***

"This is it," said The End.

THINGS I LEARNED AND DID WITH NO INTERNET

A big bad black dragon breathed fire at the server and prevented my access to the Internet for the past several days.  Here are some things I learned and did with no Internet:

I learned that babies are caused by men peeing into women.

I took a ruler and measured up.

I found my mind.

I learned that I am not lazy.  I am a lightworker.

I learned that cats cannot cook or clean.

I took a long walk along the beach that does not exist near me.  (That is where I found my mind.)

I learned that snow does not last long on a hot stove.

I drank a lot of H with my Two O.

I cried over spilt milk and found no use in that.

I did not win 27 trillion dollars.

I learned that Brian Williams would make a good politician.

And finally, I abducted some aliens for no reason.  I will release them as soon as I finish this blog.