If The Dead Could Talk . . .

What would our loved ones say at their funeral visitations or funerals?

"Does this coffin make my ass look big?"

"Could you people keep the noise down?  I'm trying to rest in peace."

"What are you gawking at?"

"Of course I don't look like myself.  I'm dead!"

"Great!  You're visiting me now.  Why didn't you visit me while I was alive?"

"You can close the lid, I'm not claustrophobic."

"I gotta loosen up.  I'm feeling a little stiff."

"Does anyone know how to get to the Zombie Club?"

"Death, what a trip!"

QUESTIONS ABOUT ETIQUETTE

Is it proper to eat mud pies with dirt?

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Is it proper for the truth to be naked?

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Is it proper to call a pregnant woman, "Bubble Belly"?

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Is it proper for a rubber band to play elastic songs?

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When is the proper time to lose your mind?

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Is it proper to wear rubber gloves during sex?

Is it proper for a human being to lay a rug?

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Is it proper for a wall to hang itself on a picture?

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Is it okay for dead people to be late for their funerals?

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Is it proper to think outside the box when there is no box?

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Is it proper for a doormat to wipe itself?