SIGNS YOU ARE HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

Not feeling like yourself?  (If you have hands, then you may like to feel someone else.)

Here are some signs that you're having a mid-life crisis:  

- You have a strong desire to eat baby food.

- You frequently make caca and pee pee in your pants.

- You're optimistically pessimistic, and happy feeling hopeless.

- You feel anxious about being anxious about being anxious.

- Your head falls off, and you have no desire to find it. 

- You think about suicide, but don't want to hurt yourself.

- You trade in your car for a tricycle.

- Your face breaks out and you start puberty again. 

And finally, the best sign that you are having a mid-life crisis is your therapist telling you, "You're having a mid-life crisis."

SO MUCH FOR SELF HELP

 

I tried to transform my problems into opportunities, but my transformation machine broke down.  This machine is impossible to fix because it doesn't exist.

I'm afraid I worry too much about getting free from fear and anxiety.

I want to unburden myself from my past resentments, but I forget where I left them.  They're around here somewhere.

I am trying to create an action plan for happiness, but keep loosing when I play the lotteries.

Perhaps I should forget all this self-help crap and become a rock.  There are no unhappy rocks, but there are lots of Gladstones.

See how happy William Ewart Gladstone is?