SIGNS YOU ARE HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

Not feeling like yourself?  (If you have hands, then you may like to feel someone else.)

Here are some signs that you're having a mid-life crisis:  

- You have a strong desire to eat baby food.

- You frequently make caca and pee pee in your pants.

- You're optimistically pessimistic, and happy feeling hopeless.

- You feel anxious about being anxious about being anxious.

- Your head falls off, and you have no desire to find it. 

- You think about suicide, but don't want to hurt yourself.

- You trade in your car for a tricycle.

- Your face breaks out and you start puberty again. 

And finally, the best sign that you are having a mid-life crisis is your therapist telling you, "You're having a mid-life crisis."

REASONS TO KILL MYSELF

Sure I'm depressed over being lonely, homeless, jobless and broke.  But this is no reason to want to kill myself.  If I were going to kill myself, then it would be for serious reasons such as . . .

- Being forced to watch the movie made from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

- Constantly having dreams that I was sleeping

- Discovering that William Shakespeare played a role in the Kennedy assassination

- Going back to school with a bunch of fish

- Believing what I think I believe I think I believe

- Being told that what I think I believe I think I believe is not true

- Finding out that I am mortal, and only have another 347 years to live

- Going through puberty for a third time  (The second time was worse than the first.)

- Dating a chimney and having the relationship go up in smoke

- Being unable to return my defective brain because I lost the receipt

- Discovering  that I do not have the courage to face life indirectly

- Not being able to cause a pain in necks or other body parts that are lower

And finally, I would kill myself if I learned that this blog has no nutritional value.