SIGNS YOU ARE HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS

Not feeling like yourself?  (If you have hands, then you may like to feel someone else.)

Here are some signs that you're having a mid-life crisis:  

- You have a strong desire to eat baby food.

- You frequently make caca and pee pee in your pants.

- You're optimistically pessimistic, and happy feeling hopeless.

- You feel anxious about being anxious about being anxious.

- Your head falls off, and you have no desire to find it. 

- You think about suicide, but don't want to hurt yourself.

- You trade in your car for a tricycle.

- Your face breaks out and you start puberty again. 

And finally, the best sign that you are having a mid-life crisis is your therapist telling you, "You're having a mid-life crisis."

ON SUICIDE

Is traveling public transit in Toronto that bad that the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) has to put up so many signs about the suicide hotline?  Would there be time to think about suicide if the vehicles were on schedule?

Did you know that suicide is the leading cause of premature death?  Really?  Suicide causes premature death?  How is that possible?   Wow!

http://www.torontosun.com/2014/11/14/suicide-leading-cause-of-premature-death-in-toronto-report

Will the Toronto Board of Health pay me to write a report showing how suicide is hazardous to your health?

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Is there a chance for promotion when you are a suicide bomber?  How about job sharing?  Can suicide bombers job-share?

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The reason governments have laws against suicide?  Suicide means the loss of a taxpayer.  (And governments are against abortion because it's the loss of a potential taxpayer.)

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The most effective way to prevent people from committing suicide is to kill them.

THE END

(No pun intended) 

REASONS TO KILL MYSELF

Sure I'm depressed over being lonely, homeless, jobless and broke.  But this is no reason to want to kill myself.  If I were going to kill myself, then it would be for serious reasons such as . . .

- Being forced to watch the movie made from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

- Constantly having dreams that I was sleeping

- Discovering that William Shakespeare played a role in the Kennedy assassination

- Going back to school with a bunch of fish

- Believing what I think I believe I think I believe

- Being told that what I think I believe I think I believe is not true

- Finding out that I am mortal, and only have another 347 years to live

- Going through puberty for a third time  (The second time was worse than the first.)

- Dating a chimney and having the relationship go up in smoke

- Being unable to return my defective brain because I lost the receipt

- Discovering  that I do not have the courage to face life indirectly

- Not being able to cause a pain in necks or other body parts that are lower

And finally, I would kill myself if I learned that this blog has no nutritional value.