WHY AM I HERE?

Why am I here?  What is the purpose of my life?  

My life has more than one purpose.  Here are some of the reasons I am here:

I am here to give the government money.  Like most people, I do so reluctantly.

I am here to provide a home for the occasional virus.  Viruses are homeless, and I provide temporary lodgings before they move to someone else.  

I am here to serve as a bad example.  Family and friends often point to me and say, "Don't be like him."

I am here to take up space.  Nature abhors a vacuum. 

I am here to keep grocery stores in business.  This is easy to do as long as I keep eating.

I am here to make people laugh.  I do not know how well I am doing with this purpose, but I am trying.  Some would say, "Very trying!"

I am here because I am not there.

THE NATIONAL HOMELESS SHOW

The National Homeless Show,  presented by The Economy, will have experts offering advice on,

• Renting or owning your park bench;
• Renovating your park bench;
• How to care for your newspapers and shopping bags;
• Dealing with zealous security guards in shopping malls;
• Keeping your clothing and blankets bedbug-free;
• Making the most of public washrooms; and
• Making your body odor work for you.

Ticket Price - Whatever change you can spare

Special Draws for a state-of-the-art shopping carts

Free Food

Everything you need to know to enjoy your homelessness.

HOMELESS GUY TAKES BUSINESS SECTION OF NEWSPAPER

I saw a homeless guy take The Toronto Star, and remove the business section.  He put it in his grocery cart.  That was the only section he took.  He discarded the rest of the newspaper.

Why would a homeless guy only want the business section of a newspaper?

- He's an eccentric billionaire checking on his grocery-cart stocks.

- He picked up a newspaper earlier, and it was missing the
   business section.

- He cannot read, but enjoys looking at the pretty graphs and 
   charts.

- He was just appointed CEO of Park Bench Incorporated and
   wants to brush up on the latest business news.

- He was cryptically telling me, "Mind your own business!"

Who knows?

REASONS TO KILL MYSELF

Sure I'm depressed over being lonely, homeless, jobless and broke.  But this is no reason to want to kill myself.  If I were going to kill myself, then it would be for serious reasons such as . . .

- Being forced to watch the movie made from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

- Constantly having dreams that I was sleeping

- Discovering that William Shakespeare played a role in the Kennedy assassination

- Going back to school with a bunch of fish

- Believing what I think I believe I think I believe

- Being told that what I think I believe I think I believe is not true

- Finding out that I am mortal, and only have another 347 years to live

- Going through puberty for a third time  (The second time was worse than the first.)

- Dating a chimney and having the relationship go up in smoke

- Being unable to return my defective brain because I lost the receipt

- Discovering  that I do not have the courage to face life indirectly

- Not being able to cause a pain in necks or other body parts that are lower

And finally, I would kill myself if I learned that this blog has no nutritional value.