OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF ORGANS

"I hate him!  He's such a person."

  - An  Asshole

"Why does he cover me in plastic and push me around in that warm, wet room until I throw up?"

  - A Penis

"She's given me way too much chocolate.  I think I'll give some to her butt and thighs."

    - A Stomach

"Who says that I don't know what it's doing?"

-  A Left Hand about a Right Hand 

"I know I smell.  I'm supposed to smell."

  - A Nose

"Just when I start to get somewhere, she cuts me off!"

  - A Toenail

"I think, therefore he drinks."

  - A Brain

"Why do they call me the rear end when there are legs and feet below me?"

  - A Butt

Hmmm . . .

A health-conscious killer will give his victims organically-grown poison.


At times, life is an organized mess.


All housing is affordable if you have enough money.


When you consider when it is paid, life insurance should be called death insurance.


By the time they become adults, most humans are self-cleaning.


A renovated brain will improve your life.


Caca never dies.


When a company advertises that it has over 50 years experience, it could mean that it has over 50 years of making mistakes.


Superman never received an award for courage.


The End is The End except when it isn't.

MUSINGS UPON LEAVING MY MIND . . .

Was I supposed to pick up a loaf of bread, or a loaf of brain?


Will wearing earplugs keep the wind from blowing through my head?


How much does free cost?


Which word is older, "older" or "younger"?


I think it was a loaf of brain.  I'm sure I have lots of bread.


For protection, should psychiatrists hire insecurity guards?


What country is the moon from?

 Did Hercules use steroids?


Was King Arthur gay?  If so, then did he enjoy his days as much as he enjoyed his knights?

REASONS TO KILL MYSELF

Sure I'm depressed over being lonely, homeless, jobless and broke.  But this is no reason to want to kill myself.  If I were going to kill myself, then it would be for serious reasons such as . . .

- Being forced to watch the movie made from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

- Constantly having dreams that I was sleeping

- Discovering that William Shakespeare played a role in the Kennedy assassination

- Going back to school with a bunch of fish

- Believing what I think I believe I think I believe

- Being told that what I think I believe I think I believe is not true

- Finding out that I am mortal, and only have another 347 years to live

- Going through puberty for a third time  (The second time was worse than the first.)

- Dating a chimney and having the relationship go up in smoke

- Being unable to return my defective brain because I lost the receipt

- Discovering  that I do not have the courage to face life indirectly

- Not being able to cause a pain in necks or other body parts that are lower

And finally, I would kill myself if I learned that this blog has no nutritional value.