DEAR DIARY . . . PART I

Dear Diary . . . 

Today I bought a pair of pants for 50 percent off. It had one leg.

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I am happy because I no longer have a mortgage.  Of course I don't own a house and never had a mortgage, but it's nice to know that I no longer have one.

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I love having a credit card.  What fun it is to spend money I hope to have next year!

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The repairman came to fix my air conditioner today. But the repair did not cost me anything because I don't have a house.

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I got a free estimate today.  I don't know what to do with it.

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My closet came out today.  It said that it was gay. I had suspected all along because it was always too clean. 

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Last night I had a dream that I was Martin Luther King.  I felt free at last and then I woke up.

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I'm in love!  It was love at first sight when I looked in the mirror.  I hope I live happily ever after.

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What a busy day!  I built Rome, but don't know what to do with it.

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Today I thought how I will die one day.  How much of a tip should I leave the undertaker?

MUSINGS UPON LEAVING MY MIND . . .

Was I supposed to pick up a loaf of bread, or a loaf of brain?


Will wearing earplugs keep the wind from blowing through my head?


How much does free cost?


Which word is older, "older" or "younger"?


I think it was a loaf of brain.  I'm sure I have lots of bread.


For protection, should psychiatrists hire insecurity guards?


What country is the moon from?

 Did Hercules use steroids?


Was King Arthur gay?  If so, then did he enjoy his days as much as he enjoyed his knights?

THE OTHER CHRISTMAS SCENES