IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!

(Picture of me taken at night)

 

 

 

I am honest except when I'm not.


I never judge people.  I form opinions of them through quick evaluations.


I treat others the same way they don't treat me.


Money is not important and means nothing to me--except when I don't have any.


I am conscious of the environment and make sure that I don't get caught polluting it.


I am silent when I am not talking.


I am an upstanding citizen and obey the laws when it suits me.


Everything you've heard about me is true.

IDEAS TO IMPROVE THE WORLD

Make terrorists study acupuncture and put needles in their bombs.  The bombs may still destroy buildings, but bombing victims will feel better.

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Instead of paying politicians a salary, pay them for each time they tell the truth.

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To  stop littering, give people tickets to theaters and sporting events in exchange for their garbage.

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Have time limits for wars as there are in any game.  If a war isn't won in 24 hours, then it ends in a tie.

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Pass a law that all junk food must be organic.

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Change the laws so that no one can go on strike without first getting permission from his or her employer.

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And finally, to make the world a better place, prohibit blogs like this one.

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.