IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!

(Picture of me taken at night)

 

 

 

I am honest except when I'm not.


I never judge people.  I form opinions of them through quick evaluations.


I treat others the same way they don't treat me.


Money is not important and means nothing to me--except when I don't have any.


I am conscious of the environment and make sure that I don't get caught polluting it.


I am silent when I am not talking.


I am an upstanding citizen and obey the laws when it suits me.


Everything you've heard about me is true.

ON CRIME

A criminal walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What will it be?"

"I've just escaped," says the criminal.  "Have you got anything that will reduce my sentence when they catch me?"

"I sure do," says the bartender.

The bartender serves him a martini garnished with arsenic.

***

***

Q:  Why did the criminal cross the road?

A:  To steal a chicken.

***

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?"

"A robber."

"A robber who?"

"Never mind and gimme your money!"

***

***

Oh the poor robber!  He froze to death trying to rob a snowbank.

***

BREAKING NEWS:  Toronto Police arrested and charged a writer with theft.  Police said that Sam Scribbler was at the public library stealing ideas.  Scribbler will appear in court on June 31.

***

PETER PAN'S SHADOW JAILED FOR DESERTION!

***

The judge says to the criminal, "Have you got anything to say before I sentence you?"

"Yes," says the criminal.

"What would you like to say?"

"I love action.  If you're gonna sentence me, then could you make me a predicate?"

***

THE ARROGANCE OF HUMAN BEINGS

Human beings do not include themselves when they talk about and/or judge people. Of course, this does not include me.