THINGS I BOUGHT

I bought a best at Best Buy.  The best I bought, at Best Buy, was the best best I ever bought.

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You can guess what I bought at Staples.  I also bought a stapler so I could use what I bought at Staples.

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I bought a book of laws, at Loblaws, on the legal way to lob things.  A friend said that in doing so, I was throwing my money away.

Oh no!  Someone is lobbing questions!

Does Canadian Tire sell any tires made in Canada?

How come Walmart doesn't sell walls?

Was Dairy Queen started by a farmer who dressed in drag before milking his cows?

 AVALANCHE STOPS BLOG SAVING THOUSANDS FROM CORNY HUMOR!

A BREAK FROM REALITY

I have a house in The Twilight Zone.  Sometimes I live in it, and sometimes I rent it to the voices in my head when they want to take a break from me.

My house is detached.  It has four bedrooms, a large living room, a large dining room, a large kitchen, and a large large.  I still haven't figured out what a large is.  But my house is like this sometimes.  Other times the same house is a semi-detached two-bedroom nothing-much.  It all depends upon the house's mood.

My house is on a quiet cul-de-sac with two other houses.  In one house live aliens who hardly spend time at home.  They work in a Walmart on Mars.  In the other house lives The Invisible Man and his family.  I never see them.

It's nice to live in The Twilight Zone.  It gives me a break from reality.  

AT YOUR SERVICE . . .

What services do I provide?  Many.  Here are some of them:

• To the letters of the alphabet, I provide words.
• To ideas, I provide expression.
• To my Facebook friends, I provide a Wall to write on.
• To my kids and family, I provide embarrassment.
• To my ex-wife, I provide someone to blame.
• To the group Termites Against Steel, I provide my support.
• To the public, I provide someone to judge and feel superior to.
• To the environment, I provide carbon dioxide and other environmentally-friendly stuff.
• To the government,  I reluctantly provide money.
• To various sane and insane voices,  I provide the space inside my head.
• To homeless viruses, germs and diseases,  I provide temporary shelter. 

 And to my fellow human beings, I provide laughter as we trudge towards Eternity where McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmart wait to welcome us.